You know what?
by Gylfagi
Summary: Two cynics meet and don't like each other one bit. What a surprise. If they can keep their banter up or grow to one another is a different story. This story. (Rated M for profanities, dark/sexual humor and other fun stuff.)
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there ... you. I'm not good at introductions so let me just cut to the chase. I'm just a guy on the internet who is trying to improve his english skills, being some sort of creative and make you laugh while he's at it. That being said. This first chapter isn't what you should expect from the rest of the story. From here on out I planned this story to be quite humorous, full of friendly banters, innuendos and plain wrong jokes.**

 **What I'm trying to tell you is: Do you like exposition? Because here's a whole fuckton of it.**

 **PS: I don't own Pokemon and thank god for that.**

* * *

"You know what? Fuck it!"

A man of 23 years old called Andrew Ivaan yelled to the reflection in his Jackie-Cola.

He looked on the clock on the wall which read 2:43 a.m. and he hunched over on the couch in the living room of his apartment.

He was frustrated, for a lot of reasons.

One was, he never could hold a job for more than 2 months since high school, if it was his fault or not. Right now he's working at a local bar as a barkeeper and assistat bouncer whenever troublemakers were in groups or build like a mountain. Granted the job wasn't the worst he had, but you can only puke so many times on a guy before he's losing his shit.

Another was he is still trapped in this, from his point of view at least, shithole known as Petalburg City. Outside of his school days back in the day, which were full of backstabbing and/or bullying assholes, he thought things will get better down the road. But he quickly learned that the rest of his life would be the same if he would stay there. Not to mention the patrons who couldn't hold their drinks or life stories in, be it in a aggressive, sad or disgusting way.

But what pissed him off the most, were the 10 to 15 year olds who called themselves "trainers". Not even three hairs on their balls but commanding fire breathing dragons and other creatures alike into battle to fight each other. He stopped counting the times he had some kind of energy beam, claws or teeth pointed at his throat because he refused to buy alcohol for a minor. An officer or older, more experienced trainer would put a stop to that shitshow everytime. But those little monsters always walked away with a slap on their wrists.

 _'Yeah, I don't see a problem with that, at all. And people still wonder why I want to smack children.'_ He thought bitterly.

That, plus he feared how they would treat their pokemon, they too got feelings after all and it's proven that most of them are as smart as humans, if not even more.

He downed the rest of his drink and slammed the glass on the table before him. The man sat up and raised his fist into the air.

"I finally know what to do with my life! I don't know how but I'll do it! And when I'm in a pinch, I'll just wing it, like always."

With that statement, he fell backwards onto his couch, laid his head to the side and passed out.

* * *

"You know what? Fuck it!"

A Gardevoir yelled to her own reflection in a pond she's kneeling at, she had enough.

Enough of fellow members of her clan telling her how unladylike she acted for picking up fights with the males in said clan and stronger pokemon in general since she became a Kirlia.

Enough of how she was scolded by her parents for sneaking to the nearest human city to teleport into a store and stealing chocolate bars or theaters to hide in the corner to watch a movie. An offense she learned to love.

And most of all, she had enough of all the females, or in her own words, sluts in her clan, who never missed a chance to tell her why she'll never find a mate because of her shortcomings. The only one she'll admit to have is the scar over her left eye. A small reminder to never fuck with an hungry Absol.

She splashed two handfulls of water in her face and proudly stood up.

"I know what I want!" She shouted to the blue sky, storming off into the woods leading to the only human residence known to her. The Gardevoir stopped for one last time, turned to the place she once called home, raised her arm and one of the three clawlike fingers towards it.

"Mommy will find herself a trainer!"

* * *

The next morning, Andrew woke up from his night full of anger, alcohol and new found life goals, trying to put together the previous events.

 _'Let's see now, getting fed up with life, boozing, self pity, more boozing, the idea that will make or break me...'_ Everything came together in his head.

He struggeled to stand up, but eventually made it. He nursed himself with some coffee and a long, hot shower. He tied his long, blonde hair back into a ponytail and gave himself a once over in the mirror. Blue eyes were staring back at the bearded young man. The figure before him was dressed in black jeans, sneakers in the same color and a red plaid shirt. _'Good enough.'_ Andrew thought and turned to his door with only one thing on his mind.

"Let's get to work."

* * *

A few hours later Andrew had gone through his checklist for the third time by now. He bought the supplies he needed for a trip to the next town. Including a tent, food, a new change of clothes, first aid kit, flashlight, a heavy duty knife and last but not least, four pokeballs, medicine and some potions. He stuffed everything except the knife, flashlight and the pokeballs into a dark green backpack. He grabbed his newly purchased dark grey utility belt that came equipped with three pouches he kept empty for now and a magnetic strip with six molds for pokeballs in it. He put the belt on, resting loosely over his hips. Then he clipped the light and knife onto the belt and put the pokeballs to their new home. After grabbing his phone with the freshly downloaded 'Pokedex' and 'World map' apps, Andrew made his way to the outskirts of Petalburg. He turned his gaze one last time to his hometome before flipping it off.

"Fuck you very much, I would stick around a bit longer but I got something to do..."

Andrew grinned like a cat, looking towards the woods before him.

"Daddy will find himself a pokemon!"

* * *

 **And there you have it, the first chapter/prolouge to this little projekt. Till next time.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I have to admit, the prologue was kinda short. I hope the first 'real' chapter will make up for it.**

 **[Insert a funny remark on how I don't own Pokemon here.]**

* * *

The Gardevoir levetated through the forest until she got dizzy, forcing her to stop. Putting a hand on a nearby tree for balance she groaned.

"That's what you get for slacking off and not train your mental abilities. Guess it's good old fashioned walking from here on out." She said to herself as she trotted on. "And at a time like this, too..."

It was mere hours before sundown and 'they' came out of the woodwork to hunt her kind down.

An hour long fast paced walk later she looked around, hoping to find something in particular. She needed shelter and she needed it now.

 _'Dammit! I know that cave is somewhere around here, I'm sure I saw it the last time I took a trip to the city.'_

Mumbling and rustles reached her ear from her left, she glanced to the source and saw what she feared the most. A squad of four Shiftry. Like most Dark type pokemon they were night active. Meaning she would be normally safe for her movie nights since she timed them well. But because she decided to say farewell to her old life late at the day, that wasn't the case this time.

The Gardevoirs heart began to race and she backed away slowly. Trying to calm herself.

 _'Okay girl, this is no reasson to panic. Just stay quiet, go back the way you came from and you'll be-'_

*CRACK*

She looked down in horror, only to find a broken twig she just stepped on.

"...straight up fucked." She mumbled under her breath.

Her head shot back to the four Dark types who just stared at her with hungry eyes.

"Well look at that boys, a fully grown Psychic type with some meat around it's hips. The apparent leader exclaimed. He took a closer look at her.

"And a female, too! She will melt on our tongues."

They began to laugh and confidently stroll near the position where she stood. The second they were in her reach she threw a Flash attack to their faces, blinding them momentarily and made a run for it, because her life depended on it. The Shiftry regained their sight soon after and took off after her.

"Go get that bitch!" Their leader growled, ready to rip her to shreds.

"Shit shit shit shit SHIT!" The Gardevoir yelled mid run, thinking of a plan to escape. Her pursuers attacked her with Razorleaf from behind, causing cuts and gashes all over her body. In one last desperate effort she concentrated her powers to teleport away far enough from them without passing out.

She landed about 200 meters from her stalkers behind a large tree. She imediatly leaned against it and tried to steady her breathing.

* * *

"Damn! I should've planned this out better. How the hell will I manage to catch a pokemon all by myself? Beat the crap outta' one and ask nicely, afterwards? Yeah right..." Andrew stated, still looking for a pokemon to travel with. He just knew that every living being in a 50 meter radius avoided him. At this pace, he might as well call it a day and set up his camp.

He began looking for a clearing or something. After half an hour into his search, he heared a small whimper coming from his right and there it was. A cut up and bleeding figure leaning against a tree. He approached the smaller creature and recognized her as a Gardevoir from his research of local pokemon right before he left off.

"Hey, are you alright? What happened to you?" He asked a bit too loudly for her liking. The hurt Gardevoir stepped foward, shook her head frantically and made gestures to cut it off.

Andrew didn't understand at first and slowly stepped towards her. "Calm down! I can help you."

"Hey guys! I found our meal and she got a human with her, too!" A gruff voice called out from behind her.

The green haired Pokemon turned first to the Shiftry and let out a sigh, then glared at the human in front of her.

"Good job, moron! I hope you realize you just fucked us both!"

Andrew just stood there, wondering what was going on. He didn't understood a single word due to the language barrier. The only thing he understood was that the Gardevoir was pissed for some reason.

Both terrified and frustrated, she tried a different approach. She quickly made a mental connection with the man and did some alterations with both their brainwaves, allowing her to speak with him.

"Run! Run you fool!"

The Gardevoir ran towards him, shoving him in his left shoulder, causing him to turn and stumble slightly. After regaining his stance he ran like hell after her.

"I have to admit I got a few questions."

"And I will gladly answer them, I hope you can still hear with a broken nose. But for now we need to get the hell outa here!" She barked.

After a few minutes of constant sprinting trough the forrest, dodging attcks and jumping logs in their way, they began to feel their limits.

Two of the wood cold killers jumped in front of them, cutting off their escape route. The two remaining positioned themselves behind the soon to be 'Gardevoir steak with human drumsticks to the side', surrounding them. Andrew stepped behind the Gardevoir facing one front while she kept her eyes trained on the other two. She looked around thinking of an escape plan, until she noticed the flashlight on her fellow victims belt.

"Hey," She whispered into his ear. "How strong is that flashlight of yours?"

Enough to blind you permanantly if you look long enough into it, got a strobe mode too, why?" He whispered back to her.

"Perfect. Okay here is the plan. On my mark you point that thing at the two fuckers in front of you, leave the rest to me."

"Got it." Andrew just said and nodded, waiting for her signal.

One of the Shiftrys stepped foward. "This is the end of the line, kiddos. Hold still and we'll promise we won't let you suffer ... too much."

The Gardevoir smirked. "Why don't you let your mom suffer? Oh wait, you already did when she first laid eyes on you ... NOW!"

Imediatly, Andrew did as he was told. One of them shielded his eyes and backed away, the other flayed his arms around like a maniac, suffering from a seizure. At the same time the Gardevoir used another Flash attack on her end, sucessfully disorienting them. She closed her eyes in an last attempt to gain enough power for a teleport.

Meanwhile the freaking out Shiftry somehow landed a blow at Andrews shoulder with the razor sharp leaves on it's arm, causing the man to scream in agony. At the sound of that, three things kicked in inside the Gardevoir. Her instincs, adrenaline and something she couldn't put her finger on, she grabbed the humans good shoulder and teleported both of them far away enough to safety.

Arriving at the unknown destination, she scanned her surroundings and saw they were at a clearing. Next thing she spotted was the cave she was looking for earlier.

"And where were you two hours ago?!" She yelled.

With a grunt Andrew pressed a hand to his shoulder to stop the bleeding, looking towards his lifesaver. "Come again?"

She met his eyes and shrugged. "Forget it." She sat down and checked her injuries. Andrew took a look around for himself, still holding on to his shoulder.

"At least we got out of this mess still breathing and everything attached, right?"

There was no answer, he looked back only to find her collapsed on the ground, surrounded by a pool of blood.

"Oh crap."Andrew rushed to her side, held two fingers to her neck and found a pulse.

"Like I said," He chuckled. "At least we're still breathing." He sat his backpack on the ground and extracted his first aid kit and a potion from it. Andrew then sprayed the potion over her cuts after he cleaned them and bandaged the more severe looking ones. It was then when he saw her up close for the first time. Round hips, toned legs and two handfuls of breasts adored her body, he also noticed the oval shaped gem resting between them, it was rather flat and smooth. When Andrew drew a finger over it, the Gardevoir let out a moan that threw him back into reality. _'Right. I got some work to do.'_

"It's not perfect, but the best you can ask of a guy with a screwed up shoulder." After he treated her wounds, he went to his own injury with same results. Not perfect, but good enough. Andrew fetched a blanket from his backpack and threw it over her.

"You better got some answers after you wake up."

He sat up and began to work on the camp.

* * *

"Ugh ... where the hell am I?" The Gardevoir awoke with a headache. Andrew walked over to the groggy pokemon and hovered over her.

"Hey there. You really got me scared for a minute, I thought you-"

He couldn't finish his sentence as he was knocked back on his ass by a straight to his nose.

"Ow!" He rubbed his nose. "What the fuck was that for?!"

"That's for blowing my cover and dragging your sorry ass with me, back there. Ever tried teleporting two people while tired as hell AND looking like a cutting board? If you'll ever pull that stunt off, then we'll talk!"

Andrew lifted himself into a sitting position.

"Okay, okay! I get it. You're pissed at me and maybe rightfully so. But before you'll cave my face in, would you please try to remember who helped you distracting these assholes and who patched you up after you passed out?"

She stopped her fit and was releaved when she found out her wounds were indeed taken care of. She looked at him in surprise and asked. "You did that?"

Andrew simply nodded as he handed her a can of soup from the camp fire. "Okay, I guess I can let that one slide."

She figured that he might not be so useless as she first thought and wondered if he would let her be a part of his team. After all, that was all she was looking for. A somewhat capable trainer who wasn't a heartlesss tyrant.

"So," She swallowed a spoonful of soup. "What pokemon do you travel with and how many badges did you won so far?"

"None aaaand none, this is my first day, I was hoping to find a pokemon soon." He exclaimed like nothing was wrong with that statement.

"But ... those pokeballs on your belt. You're kidding right? Don't tell me you started this with nothing but four empty pokeballs and good intentions? Do you have a death wish or are you really that stupid?"

Andrew looked down to the ground as she continued on with a bitter laugh. "I've never met someone like you in my 20 years on this dirtball we call earth. You know, not every pokemon is cute and cuddely like you see in the movies. As you just saw most of them are in fact deadly and will rip you a new one at sight. You mean to tell me you didn't know any of this and came here alone to boot?"

"Will you shut the hell up for a second and let me explain myself?!" She was taken aback by his sudden raise in volume and aggressivness.

"Okay yeah, it wasn't the smartest idea to start my journey like that. But I was kinda left no choice, I'm too old to get a free starter from the local research facility and affording a pokemon that isn't broken down to a level of a mere pet would cost me an arm and a leg! That and I was desperate to escape the hellhole I once called home! So yeah, I winged it and hoped for the best. Instead I found a heavally wounded Gardevoir who's making fun of me when she isn't a violent bitch and four Shiftry ready to drink my blood, so give me a break, will ya? And while we're at it, what did you do to piss those guys off so much in the first place?"

It was her turn to stare at her feet in shame. "I did nothing ... all I wanted was to head into the next town and find me a trainer. I made a few slight miscalculations and ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time ... for similar reasons as you."

"Well hello there pot, I'm kettle." Andrew said in a much calmer tone than before, rolling his eyes.

That honestly made her laugh, he joined in not long after. The tension between them finally eased, they took care of the rest of their meal.

Seriously though," She asked him. "What's your name?

"Andrew Ivaan, at your service. Yours?" He asked with an eyebrow raised.

She once again stared to the ground in front of her.

"Hold on, you have a name, right?" He waited for an answer.

"Dammit ... erm, do you want me to give you one?" She looked up at him, smiling slightly.

"Okay then, how about Grace?" No reaction. "How do you like Sakura?" Still no reaction. "Scarlet maybe?" ... "Come on, I am trying my hardest here so throw me a bone, please?"

At that she couldn't take it anymore. She threw her head back and exploded with laughter.

"Pfffhahahahaha! You are just adorable! I never thought you'd fall for the old 'the poor pokemon never got a name' routine." She walked towards him before plopping down beside the now pouting human who was glaring at her.

"Oh come on now cupcake, don't feel so down." She smiled and extended her hand to him.

"I'm Talia, no last name on my side, seriously. It doesn't suck to meet you, Andrew."

He got over his bad mood, took her hand and gave it a short but firm squeeze.

"Likewise ... Talia."

* * *

 **Okay, that was a bitch to write, at least the first half. I'm the first one to admit that I suck at action scenes. Dialogues on the other hand ... I like to write those. Till next time.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Before I continue with the story, I wanna tell you a few things about it. The story is kept old school since I never played X/Y or the Ruby/Saphire remakes (yet), so this Gardevoir is purely Psychic type. Please don't get mad at me for ignoring most of the technical stuff of Pokemon like attacks, fights or if certain pokemon show up at places where they're not supposed to. Of course there will be matches and other action scenes but I want to keep the main focus on dialogues and shenanigans. Oh and animals, real life religions and brands exist. I will keep references to a minimum but don't be surprised by them. ("You're such a pig.", "Oh my god.", "You want a coke?") But enough of that, let's get this shitheap rolling.**

 **And I still don't own Pokemon.**

* * *

Talia and Andrew were sitting at their campsite, recovering from the events before. The sun had gone down hours ago and the only lightsource they had was the fire in front of them.

"So," he began. "I don't know if you remember since you were knocked out cold at the time but you still owe me some answers.

"As long as I can ask a few questions myself ... shoot."

He thought for a bit where to start.

"Okay, first of all how come I understand you? Or rather why I can understand you now, I remember the first thing I heard from you was gibberish."

"We lern to enter the minds of others at a very young age, it's the base for most of our attacks. As soon I noticed you couldn't understand me, I tried something out. I hit you with Confusion but instead of hurting you and mess with your orientation, I altered the part of your brain responsible of comprehending words. Because of that you can talk to every Ralts, Kirlia, Gardevoir and Gallade on this planet, you're welcome. Talia smiled at him and hoped he wouldn't question the 'tried something out' part.

Andrew digested these infos for a moment before asking further.

"You know for a wild pokemon you seem to know a whole lot about human society. How's that?"

"One of our elders, may he rest in peace, was traveling with a trainer when he was at his prime. He told us all about humans, their cities, the whole pokemon trainer and league business, he also taught us to read your words. I got curious and explored the only city in that part of the region by myself as soon I evolved into a Kirlia from time to time. I watched a lot of..." She stopped herself before admitting the illegal things she did in the past. "...humans from the roof tops, you know, for research." Talia glanced a bit to the side to hide possible signs that she was lying.

Andrew just nodded, Talia turned her attention back to him.

"Okay, my turn. What kind of tra-" She was interrupted by a loud yawn from beside her.

"Save it for tomorrow, for now I'm gonna hit the sack. You're welcome to stick around, or be on your way, your choice."

He stood up and made his way to the tent, he just opened the flap when Talia shouted at him.

"Hey! You can't just interrogate me and leave me hanging afterwards!"

He looked over his shoulder. "I can't you say? Then watch this." He simply responded and crawled into the tent.

Talia stood up and crossed her arms with an annoyed huff. "That guy..." She followed him shortly after and looked around, Andrew lay in his sleeping bag arms crossed behind his head. His clothes folded beside him.

"Do you sleep naked?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope, still got my boxers on. Why are you so interested?" He put on a smug grin. "Wanna join?"

"Hell no! I rather sleep on Stealth Rock, you perv. But seriously, where do I sleep?"

Andrew pointed to his right. "You can use the blanket from earlier, sorry only one pillow but my backpack should do, night." He mumbled the last part before drifting off to sleep.

"...Fine!" She rested her head on his backpack before covering herself with the provided blanket. After 15 minutes trying to get comfortable Talia gave up. "What in the name of everything holy did he put in that thing, fucking bricks?" She mumbled, her anoyance slowly turned into frustration. Looking over to him she argued with herself if she should swallow her pride.

 _'...Screw my dignity, at least for tonight.'_ The defeated Gardevoir thought as she lay her head on his stomache.

 _'For an annoying douche he's damn cushy.'_ Was her last thought before she too fell into dreamland.

* * *

Talia woke up with her limbs sprawled all over the place in an unladylike fashion, the blanket covering only parts of her body. Still a bit groggy, she fixed her dress and hair before crashing back down on the pillow.

 _'Wait, what?'_ She turned her head slightly and noticed the cushion Andrew used the night before. _'Okay I guess he's not a total asshole.'_

Crawling outside a wonderful smell hit her. _'Bacon and eggs? Jackpot! I always wanted to try that'_ Talia hurried over to the newly lit fire and snatched one of the two cans, careful not to burn herself.

"Morning Talia, you know you could at least ask before raiding my supplies." Andrew called out from behind her, sipping on his canned coffee.

She put on her biggest puppy dog eyes, turned around and put a finger on her lower lip for good mesaure. "May little ol' me have a can of your delicious meal? Pretty please?"

Andrew felt like he was strangling an Evoli. "Alright alright! Just please don't do that again."

Talia was surprised by his reaction. _'Huh, that actually worked. I was only being sarcastic, but big chance I will tell him that. I defenetly have to keep that one in mind.'_

"Thank you, and good morning." She said sweetly, sat down in front of the fire and dug down. _'Damn, that stuff is totally dope.'_

"You should know better to fuck with the weapons of a woman. Oh yeah, that presupposes that you ever came into contact with one."

Andrew chewed his own bite while comming up with a comeback.

"Oh yeah? I bet the guys are lining up to satisfy your every desire with that scar of yours!" He spat with narrow eyes. Talia stopped eating, lowered the can to her lap and hung her head. Andrew knew he hit a sore spot and imediatly regretted his outburst. He slowly walked over and sat beside her. "...I'm sorry Talia." He carefully put a hand on her shoulder. "Really."

Talia appreciated his apology, she slightly looked up into his eyes with a small smile and put her own hand on his. "It's okay Andrew, how is your shoulder?"

He tried to move his shoulder and winced. "Still hurts but a bit better than yesterday. Your injuries should be healed, though, I read pokemon got a faster healing factor than humans.

She touched where the bandages were and was surprised that she was feeling no pain. She then took the bandages off and saw everything was properly healed. She turned to him. "I guess I never thanked you for patching me up so ... thank you."

It was his turn to smile. "You're welcome."

They continued their breakfast in silence. After they finished Andrew tried to break the ice again.

"If I may ask, how did you get the scar anywa-" Talia didn't let him finish.

"No mister! Like I said yesterday it's your turn to answer me!" She reminded him not very soft-spoken. Andrew could've sworn she was on her preiod with all the mood swings.

"Okay, I guess you're right... Lay 'em on me." He handed her a bottle of water.

"Thank you!" She took a big gulp before starting.

"So, I want to know what your goals are. What do you expect from all of this?"

Andrew stroked the beard on his chin in thought. "To be completly honest I have no idea, I just wanted a restart. That's all I knew back then. I can't say I'm aiming for the league to become champion or something. But defeating gym leaders pays off well and I need some cash for suplies and the occasional treat. I guess for now it's good enough for me to see new places and meet new people."

"That's not too bad, I probably already know the answer but how experienced are you with pokemon?"

"I never was interested in the whole being a trainer thing until recently and you are the first pokemon I really interacted with, that is if you don't count getting threatened by one." He told her with some bitterness in his voice. "But the internet is full of guides and strategies and tips i can use as a base. Even tailored ones for individual pokemon." He pulled his phone from his pocket, typed her evolution in a search engine and handed it to her.

"Have a look for yourself, but whatever you do, don't click on-"

"OH MY GOD!"

Andrew facepalmed. "...image search"

She shoved the phone back into his chest. "Why would you even do stuff like that?! Some people are sick!"

"I know right? But whatever, I'm sure I won't have too many problems."

Talia calmed herself from the shock of her life. "Okay that's all for now, I have a deal for you."

He raised a brow in curiosity. "And that would be?"

"We'll stick together, at least for now. I know we got our differences but if we even wanna get to the next town, we need to work as a team. From what you've told me, we more or less have the same goals. So what do you say?" She stretched her three fingered hand to him. "Partners?"

Andrew pondered on her offer, true their personalities clashed together but also true was that alone, they would most likely get turned into ground meat before sundown. "Okay you convinced me, I can't believe I'm doing this..." He took her hand and shook it, sealing the deal. "Partners."

"Cool, so what are we gonna do WHOA WHOA WHOA, what do think you're doing with that?!" Talia flipped her shit, backed away, and held her hands up in a defensive position when she spotted the pokeball in his hand.

"I want to show off my juggling skills. What do you think I'm doing with it?"

Now listen cowboy. I know I pitched the idea of travel together to you. But I will not. Never. Go into one of those hideous things!"

Andrew cocked his head to the side. "You do know I at least have to catch you once in order to register you to my name, right? Otherwise every trainer we'll come across is able to catch you and there wouldn't be a damn thing I can do about it."

She still wasn't a fan of the idea.

Andrew shrugged. "But if you want to get caught by some pimp and spend the rest of your days in some underground cat house as a sex slave, be my guest. You remember the images?" He clipped the ball back to his belt.

"STOP! Okay I get it, but there are some conditions."

He met her eyes. "Shoot."

She walked in front of Andrew, grabbed him by the collar and pulled his face down to her level.

"You will just register me, when that is done with you'll immediately let me out. And don't even think about trapping me in that ball again. Ever! Otherwise I will rip off yours and feed them to the Mightyena. Did I made myself clear?!

"...C-Crystal." Was the only thing he could stutter.

Talia let him go and smiled at him. "Good, glad we could come to an agreement."

Still shaking, Andrew held the ball out to her. _'Damn she's scary.'_

With a shaking hand she pressed the button in the middle and got sucked in by a red flash. The ball still in his hand shook for a view seconds before letting out an audable 'Ping'. Fearing two of his three most important parts, he let her out again. She landed in front of on all fours, panting with wide eyes like she ran a marathon in a haunted mansion.

"So...how was it?"

Talia glared at him, still catching her breath. "Like I said *pant* if you'll ever..."

"Yeah yeah I got it, you'll turn my family jewels into kibble." He offered her his hand.

She took it and stood up. "Okay! Now that everything is taken care of, should we head out to our next destination? Wherever that is.

Andrew checked the map on his phone. "Next stop is Rustboro City up north, if we go now we should make it in time for dinner." He turned to her only to be greeted by his backpack being shoved into his chest by psychic powers, making him stumble backwards. He saw that his tent was already folded back together and attached to his pack.

"How the hell did you do that?!" He asked flabbergasted.

"Every girl has her secrets, you're welcome but you owe me dinner. And I don't mean this disgusting pokemon food or canned food, even it's not that bad. I want something real. Oh and before I forget, I want some clothes. My legs are starting to get cold and I don't wanna travel the whole region going comando. Now come on. Time's a wastin'!"

 _'Yup. I'm sure this little partnership won't blow up in my face someday...'_

Andrew sighed before he slipped his backpack on, catching up to her. Together they made their way to Rustboro, marking the beginning of a beatiful frienemyship.

* * *

 **If you ever wondered what is up with the Gardevoir in the cover pic. Now you got at least an idea. Till next time.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Nothing much to say here, enjoy.**

 **I don't own Pokemon.**

* * *

The trip to Rustboro City went without further problems. Except one minor inconvenience.

* * *

One hour earlier Andrew and Talia, or according to him, Little Miss Egotrip made their way out of the woodwork, found a path that lead to the city and decided to follow it. Andrew took the lead while Talia followed a few steps behind him, bored out of her skull.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"NO! For fucks sake Talia what's gotten into you?!" Andrew growled over his shoulder. "...Talia? What is that in your hand?." He already had a presentiment.

"Oh, that? Just something I found in your backpack a while ago. It's tasty." She exclaimed, holding up a silver cylinder for him to see.

It was then that he noticed a zipper on his backpack was open. His bad feeling was confirmed when he put it to the ground, reached in and found ... nothing.

With an audible sigh he glared at the hyper pokemon. "Talia... do you know what that is?" He pointed at the can.

"Uhm... tasty dark water?"

"Something like that, it's called coffee and that one in particular is an extra strong to boot. There were five cans in there. Usually I need one to start the day off and how many did you drink?"

She cocked her head to the side and tried to remember, which wasn't an easy task with her mind racing all over the place. "Somewhere between four and six?"

"All of them, exactly." Andrew replied in an annoyed tone. "Hey, give me your hand real quick." He hurried towards her.

Talia complied, he took it and spun it around so her palm was facing him. He pressed two fingers to her wrist, glanced at his watch and began to count.

"Like I feared, even for a Gardevoir your pulse is reaching for the moon. Listen, I know we had a deal but in your state it would be the best if you go back to your..."

He stopped when he felt something below. Looking down he saw a hand glowing with blue light, aimed at his crotch. Andrew shot his gaze back to her ruby eyes, she had the same expression when she laid out her 'conditions'.

"Or maybe not. But we have to get that caffeine out of your system before you get a heart attack or something."

Talia stayed silent, her eyes were still focused on him and she redirected her hand to the nearby trees. With a loud bang and blinding light, at least 30 trees and everything in between were pulverized. Her companion was scared shitless and just stood there with his mouth open. He was paralized by the thought that this could've been him while she just marched on, apparently much calmer than before.

 _'I guess that did do the trick.'_ Andrew regained his composure and ran after her, catching up to her side.

As soon the duo left the scene, a small Stantler entered it. It looked around the destruction with tears streaming down its face.

"Mommy?"

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

"Yes! Now will you please be quiet until we get to the pokemon center!?" Andrew implored her when the city came into view from a distance. "You won't die on me anytime soon but you may suffer a caffeine crash and I want to get there before I'm forced to carry your sorry ass." He enhanced the map on his phone and marked the center for directions. "So according to this it'll be a one and a half hour walk from here. Think you can handle it?" He awaited her answer but it never came. Andrew looked up, only to see a green and white figure levetating full speed toward the buildings in front of him.

"Son of a bitch!" He yelled before racing after the reason he should drink ... more.

* * *

Talia was ecstatic, never had she seen a city and the life within it this up close. Though she had to admit the view she had while teleporting from rooftop to rooftop on the way to the next best cinema or candy store wasn't bad, it just got boring after a certain time. She strolled down the street, stopping and take in the sight everytime something spiked her interest, sometimes teleporting between the two sides of the street. There was an ice cream parlor, jewelry store, arcade, toy store, cinema, library and so many restaurants and food stands that she stopped counting. The Gardevoir hoped every human residence would be like that one and made hundreds of plans for the future. She came to a halt in front of a store that enticed her in particular or rather the items it displayed. Her eyes were glued to a mannequin clothed in black socks, which reached up just above its knees and short black yoga pants slightly visible beneath the hem of a white skirt. She didn't care about the rest for she has made a decision.

"Talia!" A male voice called out to her from the side. She saw Andrew running up to her, comming to a halt before he'd bend over and put both hands on his knees. He wheezed like an asthmatic.

"Talia ... what the hell ... are you doing ... running off like that?"

She grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him, ignoring both the question and wince from him caused by his still hurting shoulder.

"Andy! This is sooo awesome, we HAVE to stay here, at least for a while. We have so many things to see, things to eat and things to buy!"

Andrew was so astounded by what was before him he had to make a double take. The sarcastic, hotheaded, egotistical, violent psychopath he knew was gone. She was smiling, not the usual smug or mischievous grin, it was a genuine smile. Talia looked like a little girl in a candy store and did she just called him Andy? He pried her hands off of him and held them in place between the two.

"Talia! Listen to me, we can go sightseeing all you want later. For now however, we need to get to the pokemon center. It was a long way here and my little sprint after you didn't help my stamina one bit. And I know you're on your last legs, too. You just don't feel your fatigue thanks to the caffeine."

She wasn't convinced by his explanation and her childlike excitement turned to a slight sadness.

 _'Oh no, please not this again.'_

"Will we eat some ice cream?"

"Yes."

"Will you buy me the outfit I want?"

"If I can afford it, sure."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise Talia." Andrew reasured her.

"YAY! Thank you, Andy!" There it was again, she twirled around in front of him, showing her joy ... and legs. She then took his hand and happily smiled up at him.

"Lead the way, bossman."

Still unsure what he should make of all this, he checked the map again and was relieved by the fact that the center was only 10 minutes away. Not wasting anymore time they began to walk at a fast pace.

* * *

Nine minutes and 15 seconds later, the two reached their destination, the automatic doors of the center opened. Andrew let Talias hand go and made his way straight to the counter.

"Good evening." Greeted a polite voice. "How may I help you, sir?" The nurse had a warm smile on her face.

Andrew leaned on the desk with both arms. He tried to mirror her politeness in his tired state.

"Evening, miss. I'd like to get a room if it's not too much trouble."

"Of course not, sir." She giggled a bit. "May I see your trainer ID?"

Andrew handed her his ID and she scanned it on her computer.

"Room 312, to your left is an elevator you can use. Anything else Mr. Ivaan?" The nurse handed him his keycard and ID when she noticed the dried bloodstain on his shirt. "Oh my god, are you alright? Should I get someone to look at your wound?" The smile changed to a look of concern.

"Oh no, it's fine." Andrew asured her. "It's just a scratch and I patched it up yesterday, it looks worse than it really is."

"Your Gardevoir doesn't seem too good, either. Are you sure you don't need anything?"

"Yes, don't worry. All we need right now is sleep and lots of it, it was a long day."

The nurse was still concerned but trusted his judgement. "I understand, please rest well and if you change your mind, there is a phone in your room with a number for emergencies on it. Enjoy your stay."

"We will and thank you, miss." Andrew nodded to her with a tired smile, he turned to Talia who had a hard time keeping her eyes open.

"Come on Talia, let's get some rest." He walked up to the elevator and pushed the button. Talia nodded in silence, shuffled after him and both stepped in. Another button push later, the elevator began to move up to the third floor.

"You know, the nurse was right. You do look fucking beat. You okay?"

The Gardevoir barely registered his words and just nodded again. She laid her head on his shoulder and started to slide down on him. Andrew caught her before she could hit the floor, he crouched down in front of her and placed her unmoving form over his shoulder. He secured her by an arm around her legs moments before he heard a 'ding' sound from the elevator. The doors opened to reveal a female trainer and her Lucario who looked in disbelief at them, then at each other and back at the two.

Andrew kept his cool and pointed at his sleeping companion.

"She partied a bit too hard, may we pass?"

The two just nodded with slightly open mouths and stepped aside.

"Thank you ... oh and remember, kids. Know your limits or you'll end up like her." He let out a small laugh as he passed them.

On his serch for their room, something caught his eye from his right side. Talia's butt.

 _'Damn, did she always had that killer ass?'_

Her current position left little to no imagination of what was under that dress.

 _'I wonder if it will feel like it looks.'_ He began to raise a hand before catching himself. _'NO! Bad touch, you don't feel up unconscious women, not to mention pokemon. Granted, relationships between humans and pokemon are legal for decades now. But that doesn't mean you are attracted to one and sure as hell not to her. That mean, egotistical bitch ... with smooth skin, delicious hips and an ass I could spank for days ... FUCK! Snap out of it, you're just tierd, desperate for a womans touch but most of all tierd.'_

Returning his focus to the matter at hand he found their room for the night, Andrew slid the keycard through the corresponding scanner on the wall beside the door. The lock clicked open and he entered. After closing the door he wasted no more time and he carried his 'luggage' to the bed at the other end. After he sat her on it he laid her down backwards, leaving her legs dangling from the edge.

With sleep being his number one priority, he let his backpack fall to the ground and with a groan, followed suit face first on the mattress next to Talia.

"Day one of this partnership survived. Let's see what day two will bring." Andrew mumbled.

And passed out.

* * *

 **Still nothing much to say. Till next time.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Heyooo! I see that this story got the attention of some people and some of you even followed, favorited and/or commented on these ramblings of a lunatic. Thank you boys and girls, have a imaginary beer, or cookie. Whatever your preference is.**

 **I own a few Pokemon games, does that count? Didn't think so.**

* * *

Andrew woke up from a sunbeam shining on his closed eyes. Still laying on his stomache he turned his head to the alarm clock beside him which read 8:39am, then the other way and caught sight of his still sleeping partner in ... whatever this was.

With a groan he repositioned himself on his back, collecting his toughts. He remembered the what, where, who and why of his situation and examined his surroundings. The room had everything you would expect from an above average hotel room. A loveseat, coffee table, TV set including a DVD player, PC and queen sized bed. He was too tierd to think about it yesterday, but why did the nurse gave him a room with only one bed? Maybe she thought Talia would sleep in her pokeball or even that they were a couple.

Andrew snorted. _'Yeah, as if that's likely.'_

He sat up on the bed and reached for his backpack to fish out a can of coffee when he rembered a little detail about it, including the detour he had to take because of it. Glaring at the Garedvoir he muttered under his breath.

"This better be worth it or I swear I'll shove an apple in your mouth, pour gravey all over you and drag you back to those Shiftry."

He got up and looked what else the room had to offer as he opened the only other door which revealed a bathroom complete with a shower cabin and bathtub.

"Damn, no wonder everyone and their grandma is crazy about this whole trainer schtick, they live better than I at times and all that is paid by the region."

Realizing he was desperate for a shower, Andrew took the only change of clothes he had consisting of blue jeans and a black, long sleeved t-shirt from his pack and went back to the bathroom.

He placed the garments plus two towels provided by the center on a stool next to the shower, took off his current attire and stepped into the shower.

Andrew let himself soak in the hot water and thought of a game plan for the day.

 _'I guess a trip through the city Isn't the worst idea for now, considering my shoulder still hurts and I promised Talia a few things yesterday, plus I need a replacement for my torn shirt, not that my wardrobe was hardly fitting for a life on the road to begin with.'_

* * *

Meanwhile Talia woke up to the sound of running water. She sat up from her lying position and clutched her head.

 _'Fuck, my head! What happened yesterday?'_

She closed her eyes, trying to recall yesterdays events.

 _'Oh god, I acted like a complete idiot. Did I really called him Andy? Please let that be a nightmare.'_

She heard the water stop and not long after, Andrew came through the door in new clothes and a towel draped over his neck, drying his wet hair with the ends of it.

"Mornin' sunshine!" He exclaimed loudly. Talia only squinted her eyes in pain and rubbed her temples.

"Loud!"

"I'm sorry, but that's what you get when you snatch unknown substances without permission by the truck load."

She still massaged the throbbing parts of her head, trying to get rid of the agony.

"What was in that stuff anyway?"

"You forgot? I told you yesterday, it was caffeine. An upper you can find in beverages like coffee, some sodas or energy drinks and you pretty much OD'ed on it."

"Remind me to stay away from that shit as far as I can."

"Duly noted, so what did we learn?"

Talia sighed in defeat. "If you find drugs, you share them with your friends."

"Exactly. So, why don't you take a shower while I get us something for breakfast, it might help get rid of your headache. I doubt you'll ever used one of these before but you'll figure it out."

"I guess."

Andrew handed her a fresh towel, checked his wallet for cash and went out the door leading to the hallway.

"Later."

"Mhm." She looked back and forth between the towel and the open bathroom door until she finally took his advice.

"Oh what the hell, he may have a point."

Groggy as she was, Talia grabbed the first faucet her hand could find and turned it on.

"People in movies always seem to relax in the shooooooower."

She almost shouted the last word, jumping back out the cabin, surprised by the ice cold water coming down on her.

"The fuck?! Oh ... right, there's another one, let's try this."

Careful not to get caught by the freezing stream again, she adjusted both handles until the water was at a tolerable level and stepped under it.

"Ohhhh this is heaven on earth. Andrew has no idea how good he's got it."

* * *

Arriving at the centers lobby, Andrew walked through the automatic door with two plastic bags in hand and headed straight to the elevator.

"Mr. Ivaan!" He heard a familiar voice calling out to him, turning his attention to the same nurse from the day before.

"Oh hello there Miss ... I'm sorry, I never got your name." He confessed, approaching her.

"Joy, but you can call me Rebecca since you will stay a while."

She extended her hand, Andrew went over to her desk shook it gently. "Thank's Rebecca, I'm Andrew then. But how did you know I won't check out today?"

"The data on your ID told me that you have no badges yet and most new trainers start their journey here in Rustboro since 2/3 of the starter pokemon got a type advantage over the local gym leader. They're also often overwhelmed by the strain they experience during their first week so a lot of them stay longer than experienced trainers to get used to all of that and you two looked overwhelmed. But I have to say, it's been a while since I had to look up to meet the eyes of a beginner."

Andrew blushed, before explaining his situation.

"Yeah, you got me. I never jumped on the bandwagon like most teenagers. To be completely honest, I officially became a trainer just two days ago when I caught Talia, you know the Gardevoir you saw with me yesterday in Petalburg Forest."

"Excuse me, did you say caught? That fully grown Gardevoir is your first pokemon and you caught her by yourself?" Rebeccas eyes widened.

"Yup." He nodded to her. "Why, is that weird?"

"Excuse my French but what the hell?! Most trainers are lucky if they find a Ralts, not to mention a Gardevoir and even then they have a hard time catching one with help of their pokemon. I thought you bought her for a fortune somewhere, but god damn!"

Andrew didn't know how to react to the situation so he decided to get away ... fast.

"Erm, listen Rebecca. I don't mean to be rude, but my pokemon is waiting for her breakfast and I have to make some plans for the near future. You know, rookie at work here."

The nurse grew aware of her outburst. "Oh ... right. I'm sorry, I just can't believe your luck, Andrew. Again, enjoy your stay and good luck for the future." She said, regaining her professionalism.

"Thank you, Rebecca. See you around." He gave her a casual salute and turned to the elevator.

* * *

After she was done with her shower and learned the hard way that the strawberry smelling stuff from the bottle wasn't in fact, strawberry syrup, Talia plopped down the couch, laid her feet on the coffee table and tried to get the TV to work. She knew of the concept, just had hard time grasping the details. She got used to the functions of the remote control and started zapping through the channels and looked for something that would caught her interest.

 _ **"Not a thing. Not a fucking trace. No blood, no bodies... We hit nothing!"**_

"Oh hell yeah! I missed the best scene, though. But whatever!"

Half an hour later Andrew walked into the room, presenting the plastic bags he to her.

"Food delivery! I only take cash or blowj-"

"Shht!" Talia shushed him. She never took her eyes from the screen, seemingly hypnotized by it.

He went to the couch, sat down beside Talia, lifted her feet off the table and draped it with food containers before glancing up at the TV.

"Uhh Predator, nice!"

"You would think, but I can't believe this shit, they cut all the good parts out. I saw more blood the last time I caught a splinter.

"Well, that's free TV for ya. They'll cut a R rated movie to shreds, just so they can show it at 10 in the morning.

Talia was perplexed. "But who would commit such a heinous crime? And why?"

"Beats me ... hold on a sec! How would you know if it was cut or not? I thought you only watched us from the rooftops or something."

Her eyes widened in horror.

 _'Shit! He got me, what now? Will he hand me over to the cops? Am I going to jail? Are there even prisons for pokemon? What will they do to me?'_

"Erm," She looked down and glimpsed to the side a few times, her cheeks getting warm. "I may or may not teleported inside a few movie theaters to watch a movie or two."

"About how many movies are we talking about here?"

"Oh you know, only three, maybe four hundred."

"Four hundred?! How the fuck did you managed to do that without being caught?" His sudden outburst caused her to flinch.

"Well, I did get caught a few times but you know, teleport and stuff."

Normally she would just say 'fuck him' and flee on the spot, knock him out if necessary and wish herself better luck next time. But this was different, sure he was an annoying prick at times and clearly got no idea about their future as trainer and pokemon. However, he treated her as an equal from minute one, in every sense of the word. Andrew never saw her like an animal nor handled her with kid gloves. There was something about his behavior towards her that let her try a different approach.

"Please..."

Andrew was surprised by her change of tone from 'kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar' to a complete sincere, apologetic one.

"Excuse me, what?"

She looked up at him with a pleading gaze.

"Please don't send me away to ... wherever you send criminal pokemon. I promise I won't do it again, but don't deliver me to them."

He almost lost it by how serious she took that situation. He decided to roll with it and put on a serious expression as well.

"Is that so? Well, I just have one last question." There was a long pause.

"What is it?"

"Can you see your own face right now?"

Andrew got into a laughing fit, she was confused by his reaction.

"...Huh?"

"You look like you got send down death row."

"Are you saying you're not mad at me?"

"Of course not, if anything this is fucking amazing, four hundred movies? That's what I call determination!"

Talia sighed in relief and punched Andrew in the shoulder, his good one.

"Thanks for letting me squirm, asshead."

He still chuckled a bit. "I'm not even sorry, that shit was priceless. Anyway, here."

He handed her one of the food containers with fried egg, bacon and toast.

"Eat up sweet cheeks, we have to buy you your damn clothes and after that's done, we'll train for the match at the gym.

She just dug in, enjoying the food and got excited for their trip through the city until she processed the entirety of his sentence.

 _'Sweet cheeks?'_

* * *

 **Wow, next up Talia and Andrew will train her abilities. My advice? Take cover. Till next time.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't really have anything to say about the chapter in particular.**

 **I'd just like to thank Coolevilshark for his tip with the horizontal lines in between scenes. So no more [Scene breaks] in the future, I also adjusted the previous chapters.**

 **You know the drill by now. Still not owning Pokemon. (Is writing that shit every single chapter even necessary, if at all?)**

* * *

Talia and Andrew were standing in front of the pokemon center. She streched her muscles in the sunlight after the tasty breakfast while he fumbled with his phone.

"Where was that store you've picked me up, again? To be honest I was a complete zombie the second half of yesterday."

"Really? You had the attention span of one the first half, too. It's around 10 minutes from here on the shopping mile, we should find the exact spot once we're there."

Andrew marked the street he was talking about on the map while Talia shot him an evil look, but said nothing. No way she'd let him ruin her good mood. He checked the route one last time and stuck the phone back in his pocket.

"Shall we?" He smiled at her, holding up an arm for her to hook into.

"You wish." Talia rolled her eyes and gave his shoulder a shove. Andrew just chuckled and walked on.

"Why are you in such a good mood, anyway? You're like that since you came back with our breakfast. I mean all I did, since we joined forces, was costing you money and giving you shit."

"A fault confessed is half redressed."

Her eye twitched. _'Nope, not gonna happen.'_

"On my way to the take out restaurant, I made a small detour and checked out the local gym. If my research, and with research I mean I spent five minutes and googled it, is correct we might have a fair chance.

"You think so?"

"I hope so. I told you winning gym challenges pay well, right? But here it comes, if we win this we'll be rich!"

Talias face lit up. "Really?"

"No, you gold digger but we won't have to worry about our finances for at least two months and that's pretty sweet if you ask me, especially for a couple days work if you count training."

"I wonder who the gold digger here is since I'm the one who's getting her ass beat in the ring."

"Don't act like I'm doing nothing here, I will come up with training plans and strategies, book the matches and manage the money. If I let you handle our funds, you'd be a diabetes patient within a month."

"A well-dressed diabetes patient." Talia corrected.

"Right, speaking of which, that's the store you were looking for, isn't it?"

Andrew pointed at the clothing store in question, a look through the display window confirmed his assumption.

"Yes!" Talia screeched hysterically, she grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the door with a yank. "Come on, slowpoke!"

"Wow easy there, I like my arm where it is, you know?"

Ignoring everything around her, she stormed on through the door straight to the counter. She planted her fist on it, startling the lady behind it.

"That thing. In the window. Give it to me. NOW!" Talia exclaimed, eyes wide lika a madwoman. She forgot that Andrew was the only one who could understand her.

The cashier was unsettled to say the least and reached for the silent alarm under the table, she only retracted her hand when Andrew attracted her attention.

"Excuse me miss, we'd like to use your service, please don't mind my companion."

"Uhm ... is your Gardevoir alright?"

 _'Far from it.'_

"She's perfectly fine, just excited." He assured her with a fake smile.

Once she was sure her life wasn't in danger, the woman cleared her throat.

"So, what can I help you with?"

"That might sound strange, but I was looking for something for her. You think that's possible?"

She gave Talia a once-over. "I don't see why it shouldn't be, her built is similar to a human woman and don't worry, a lot of trainers like to dress up their pokemon, usualy for contests. Do you have something special in mind?"

Andrew looked around for a bit before adressing the reason for his fast emptying wallet.

"Hey Talia, what is it that you're so crazy about?

Talia, who calmed down a bit in the meantime, pointed at the mannequin in the display.

"See that? I want the high socks and pants that thing is wearing in the exact same color."

He turned to the cashier. "She wants the black socks and yoga pants that mannequin wears."

"Three of each." Talia added.

Something within Andrew died a slow, horrible death. He only rolled with it because he didn't want to cause a scene and considering Talias entrance before, a scene would end up with two people dead and a burned down clothing shop.

"Three of each..." He added through gritted teeth.

"You must really adore her, the material isn't the cheapest, you know?"

"What can I say, she's a treasure."

"I will take a look in back for those in her size, feel free to look around if you want anything else."

He could almost hear his credit card begging for its life and knew this would give it the rest, but he needed a warmer replacement for his shirts. He went over to the men's department and picked up two sweatshirts, one black and a dark green one. When he came back the lady was already back behind the counter and registered Talias new garments. He placed his own on the counter.

"Would that be everything, sir?"

"Yes and I'd like to pay with credit card, please."

After she ran the piece of plastic through a card reader, the cashier handed it back to him with a wide smile across her face.

"Thank you for your purchase, we hope to welcome you again." She gave him a plastic bag containing their new clothes.

 _'I bet you do.'_

"Thank you for your service, we'll see ourselves out."

* * *

Back at their room, Talia imediatly snatched the bag from Andrews grasp and disappeared through the bathroom door.

"You're welcome." He muttered as he dragged his feet over to the couch and plopped down with a groan.

 _'I really could use a drink right now.'_

Not long after, Talia came back out. She positioned herself a few steps in front of Andrew. The Gardevoir placed one hand on her hip, the other behind her head and struck a pose.

"Well? What do you think?"

He examined her, like on the mannequin the long socks hugged her calves tightly and ended just above her knees. The pants were the same story, fitting like a glove and slightly visible through the slits in her dress. Her new attire left only inches of her thigh bare. He thought she looked absolutely stunning in it but he wasn't giving her any of that.

"You are a pain in the ass is what I think."

"Speaking of asses." She turned around, swept pats of her dress to the side and presented her rear to him. "Even you can't deny my butt looks amazing in this." She exclaimed proudly and gave it a slap for emphasis.

Andrew swallowed hard and had to bite his tounge to keep himself from making any betraying sounds. That sight left the one from the day ago in the dust.

"Meh, I've seen better."

Talia let her dress fall back in place and smiled at him over her shoulder, she could see right through his bullshit. He could only avert his gaze and blush.

 _'Stupid sexy Gardevoir.'_

She was having fun, but knew something else, more serious was in order, she stepped over the coffee table and straddled her sponsor. She hugged his head to her chest, let her cheek rest on the top of it and whispered.

"Thank you, Andy. I really appreciate the things you do for me. You know, letting me stay with you, giving me real food, treating me with some respect in general and now the clothes. I am more than willing to repay you in any way I can."

Andrew stiffened in her grasp at first, but closed his eyes, put his arms around her waist and hugged her back when she began to express her gratitude. He just couldn't stay mad at her.

"You're welcome, Tali." He enjoyed the embrace for a little while longer before he loosened his grip and let his hands rest on her hips.

"And I know exactly where you can start to repay your depts."

"W-What do you have in mind?" Her voice was unstable because of her nervousness with a hint of excitement due to his tone.

He looked up at her and his half-lidded eyes turned into a frown.

"You can finally begin to do your god damn job, you got your payment and now it's time to earn it.

She giggled a little at herself before nodding.

"You got it, Andrew. From now on, I try to be a good girl."

He leaned back on the couch and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I don't want you to be a good girl, I want you to wipe the floor with our opponents."

He lifted Talia off of him, sat her down beside him before walking over to his backpack and put it over his shoulders.

"And to accomplish that, I need to know what you're capable of and work out a game plan. So come on, let's get the show on the road while we're still young."

He didn't wait for her response and went straight for the door. Talia sprung up from the love seat and quickly levetated after him, oddly motivated herself.

 _'Was that his flashlight in his pocket or...?'_

* * *

After a two hour walk to Rustboros outskirts, they were searching for a suitable place to train.

"How about over there?" Talia was pointing at a empty grass field with trees scattered around.

"Nah, that won't do us any good, a place like that but with rocks instead of trees would be perfect for our purposes."

"You mean like the place we passed 20 minutes ago?" She asked him with a cocked head and raised brow.

Andrew didn't want to believe her at first. "Are you fucking with me?"

"Nope, totally just like that, only with rocks all over the place."

He groaned in frustration. "God dammit! Okay, let's head back."

The slightly distracted trainer turned on his heels and went back the way they came at a faster pace. Talia followed suit.

"What the hell were you looking at the whole time, anyway?"

"Nothing." He blurted out a little too fast.

"Nothing? You are the one of us with a special training ground in mind. Why would you ... ohhhhh I get it now. You were checking me out, you do think my butt is nice after all.

She grinned from ear to ear. Although she promised to repay him. Stop teasing him was never part of her promise.

"I didn't!"

"Or was it my outfit, then? Tell you what. If you ask nicely, maybe I'll think about letting you borrow it."

Andrew stopped dead in his tracks. She expected him to stumble over his words or explode at her entirely, but neither of those reactions came. Instead he turned around and strolled over to where she stood, what surprised her the most was the look on his face. He had the same cheshire grin plastered on his face like she had only moments ago.

"Dear Talia, let me make one thing perfectly clear." He circled her like a hungry predator would do around its prey, ready for the strike. "I may not own a lot of things, but until you win at least one badge, I will call two things my property. One of these things is the outfit you're currently wearing." He stopped behind her and put both of his hands on her shoulders.

"And the other thing?" She turned her head to the side, trying to keep her cool.

Andrew said nothing, instead he gave her rear an audible slap. After that he continued marching on like nothing happened.

In the meantime Talia just stood there as if she was struck by lightning, she couldn't believe any of that. She didn't even know what to think, was she supposed to be impressed by him, offended, scared, flattered or all of the above? In her confusion she could only think of one thing.

 _'What in the actual fuck!?'_

* * *

 **Remember when I promised you these two would begin their training in this chapter? I lied. Sorry about that, a few scenes turned out to be longer than anticipated. I can't help myself some scenes/situations/dialogues just write themselves and this seemed like a good place to call it a day. So next time, training and no further promises. Till next time.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Back for more? Then enjoy another chapter while I still don't own Pokemon.**

* * *

Talia arrived at their destination with Andrew in tow. A large open field with different sized rock formations and single ones all over the place, from knee high to as big as a bus. She was puzzled by why it had to be exactly this kind of environment for their training.

"So Andrew, why the hell did you drag me all the wa-"

"Hey Talia! Think fast." He interrupted her and she began to turn arround.

"Huh?"

 ***WHACK***

She was greeted by a fist sized stone right across her face, she stumbled backwards, landing on her butt.

Checking her face for any blood she felt it begin to boil.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, man?! First the slap and now this! If this will turn out to be an abusive relationship, I'm outa here before you can recover from the kick to your nuts."

"Calm your tits, the slap was mere payback for ... a lot of things, actually. And the look on your face made up for all of it. As for the stone, this was part of the training."

"Part of the training?! I'm sorry, I guess I missed the memo stating that my training consits of stoning me like I said 'Jehova' a few times too often. How the hell is that supposed to help me, anyway?"

"It was just a test to your reflexes ... aaaand you failed."

Talia took a few deep breaths and slowly calmed down.

"Okay Mr. Miyagi, before we continue this, I need a few more informations. Who or what will we take on?"

Andrew whipped out his phone an fumbled with it for a while.

"The gym leaders name is Roxanne, she specializes in Rock type pokemon, that's why we're here. And in our case, she'll probably send her Nosepass after us."

"How are you so sure?"

"If I understand this right, gym leaders choose their pokemon according to the number of pokemon and badges the challenger has. She won't use the same team as she would on a trainer with six pokemon and seven badges, you know what I mean?"

Talia nodded "So I have to beat a single Rock pokemon, that's it? In case you forgot, I took on four Dark types earlier this week."

"If you refer to the event I think you're referig to, I call bullshit. Don't forget that neither me, nor my flashlight will be there to help you. All I can do is give you commands and warn you if something is sneaking up on you, that's it. And I believe you pronounced 'ran away from' wrong."

"I still don't see a problem with it. I mean come on, one sing-"

 ***WHACK***

Another stone hit her face.

Talia stayed calm, at least on the outside. She walked towards the stone on the ground, picked it up, held it in front or her and glanced at Andrew with threatening eyes.

"I swear to god Andrew, do that one more time and I will insert that thing into you the worst way imaginable."

Kinda used to her threats by now, he took it in stride.

"Okay, I get it. No more stones to your face. I just have one, very important question. Do you know Magical Leaf?"

She let go of the stone and held her right, open palm infront of her. "You mean this?" She created a small light in it and five glowing leaves materialized within.

"Yes that's exactly what I mean, think you can make it bigger and shoot it ... uhm," He looked around for a target until he spotted a rather sturdy looking rock, tall as himself and wide as a small car. "Over there?"

"Hmm."

Talia moved her left hand next to the right and repositioned them like she was holding something with both hands. The light between them grew bigger, more leaves appeared. She aimed them at the rock and shot them like she was told. The leaves hit their target like a shotgun blast. A few of them were sticking out on its surface, the majority buried themselves inside the rock and three even managed to punch holes through the whole thing. Andrew stepped foward and analyzed the damage. He had a few ideas how to work on that attack and took a notepad and pen from his backpack, he scribbled down a few notes and turned to her.

"You can't imagine how glad I am you know that, that's our trump card. But moving on, what is the attack you're normally fighting with? You know, when you have to defend yourself, what's your go to move?"

Talia smiled at him, snapped her fingers and ... nothing happened. Andrew was about to ask what she was up to as she turned to the already damaged rock holding her arm out. The target in front of her was blown to bits by two Psychic attacks, one by her and one by an unknown source from its right.

Andrew looked in awe at her display of power and timing.

"What was that?"

"That Andrew, was 'Laser Cannon Death Sentence'."

"Laser cannon what now? Pretty sure that's not an actual attack."

"Basically, it was Psybeam combined with Future Sight. I like my name better, though.

"You know what? Fine, it kicks ass so I don't care about the name. So now, I've seen you use Flash before but do you know any other defensive moves?"

She had a look on her face that wanted to ask if his parents were related.

"You do know I'm a 20 year old Gardevoir and not a newly hatched Ralts, right?"

Andrew realized this was a dumb question and quickly thought of a cover up.

"Really? With you I have a hard time telling the difference, sometimes."

She didn't even bother with his retort, instead she created multiple clones of herself. They circled Andrew and began to move around him. Once the Talias came to a stop they stuck out their tounges and flipped him off.

He looked around and eyed the Gardevoirs for a moment, he turned to one of them and mirrored her gesture.

"Nice Double Team, but it needs work."

The Gardevoirs faces fell and all of them, except the one in front of him vanished.

"How the hell did you manage to see through it? Back at the clan my Double Team was considered to be one of the best."

Andrew walked up to her and cupped her face in both of his hands.

"Your eyes..."

Her cheeks got warm. "W-What do you mean?"

"There is something in them, something unique, alive and untameable. Something that makes me stop and focus at them everytime I look at you."

"R-Really?"

He let go of her cheeks.

"Nope! But of the twenty something versions of yourself you've created, only one had your new clothes on yours truly bought, so it wasn't that hard to spot you. Like I said it needs work."

He streched himself and let out a long yawn.

"But you know what? I say we'll call it a day. We've spent a lot of time finding this place and we skipped dinner. Don't even get me started on the nerves I spent on our little shopping trip. So what do you say? Lunch on the way back to our room?"

He walked past Talia with a tap on her shoulder.

 _'Now we're even, you tease.'_

She was ready to murder someone, the only reason she didn't murder him was the mention of lunch. She held herself back until she noticed something on the ground.

"Hey Andrew!"

"Huh?" He stopped and started to turn.

"Think fast..."

 ***WHACK***

 _'Now we're even.'_

* * *

Andrew was still rubbing the bump on his head when they arrived at the shopping mile from earlier. He looked around for a place that sold the thing he desired. As soon as he found it, he sat Talia down a bench nearby and said.

"Wait here, I'll be back soon."

He was gone before she could even protest or ask any questions. A few minutes later he came back with two handfuls of, what appeared to be half a loaf of white bread and handed her one. He sat down on the bench next to her.

"Say hello to your new god when it comes to fast food." He stated and began to devour the thing.

She noticed there was a bunch of stuff inside of the bread and took a closer look. Thin, grilled slices of meat, fresh vegetables, two sauces, dices of white cheese and the smell of several spices greeted her. She took a bite out of it and experienced her first foodgasm. Talia let out a long moan while she chewed.

"Where were you all my live?"

"In Petalburg, tending bar."

"I wasn't talking to you, but thanks anyway for... what is that?"

"Döner kebab, it's fast, depending where you get it it's fresh and most of all it's delicious. The perfect food after a night at the bar, in front of and behind the counter alike."

Talia was halfway through with her meal when she paused.

"You have no idea how good you have it, you know?"

Andrew swallowed the bite of his kebab and turned his attention to her.

"What do you mean?"

"Just this," She pointed at hers. "Back at the clan organizing food was hard work. We would form teams for hunting for meat, gathering fruits and getting water almost everyday. These teams would take hours for their tasks. You were gone for five minutes and came back with that fucking magic."

"Hmm."

"And not only that, the safety in our room, the comfy bed, the shower, the clothes. No matter what you want, you just go somewhere, wait a few minutes and bam."

Andrew pondered on her words for a minute.

"I see where you are coming from, but don't think city life is easy as cake. True we can get almost anything we want within a few minutes to hours, depending on the object or service. But all of that costs money and earning that can be a pain in the ass. Human society is basically the same thing as your clan, just on a much bigger scale. And I'm only talking about 'normal' work, we're kind of a special case."

Talia raised her eyebrow. "Special case?"

"I mean we can live like royalty while we're in a city. We stay at combinations of a hotel and hospital for free, we work for a few days and get a shit ton of money out of it. The rest of the time we're on the road, though. We'll have to deal with constant changing in weather and environments, hostile pokemon and the supplies for such a living aren't cheap, either. Plus certain gyms might take longer than others. So there you have it, every lifestyle got their pros and cons, including ours."

Andrew went back to his kebab and ate the rest before it got cold. She did the same and addressed him one more time.

"Let me get this straight, as long as I kick ass at gym battles, we can keep this life standard up?"

He just nodded.

A new flame was kindled within her. "Fuckin' A!"

"I'm glad we're finally on the same page. I don't know about you..."

He sat up from the bench.

"But I'm stuffed, still tired and ready for bed, shall we?

"You just said the magic word with 'B'. Let's!"

* * *

Back at their room Talia stared at the large, but single bed in the room.

"Say Andrew, do you see anything wrong with this picture?"

Although he knew what she was talking about, he played dumb.

"Nope, do you?"

"I'm maybe not familiar with every detail of human society, but even I know you only share a bed with the one you call your mate here, too. Or was it wife ... girlfriend ... life mate ... fuck buddy ... I don't give a damn, just at a relationship level we have not."

"All of the above and I don't give a damn, either. I just know that we both need to get some rest and this bed is the only place we can get it. So get over yourself and don't pay any thought to the company." He said while changing into his sleeping attire which still consited of his boxer shorts and nothing else. He laid onto the bed and covered himself with the sheets.

Talia blushed at the sight and hesitated at first, but did the same.

"Just keep your hands to yourself and no blanket hogging, you hear?"

"As long as you can practice what you preach, we're cool. Good night Talia."

She snuggled into the warmth of the bed.

"Night."

* * *

 **Some might call this an eventful day, they call it Monday. Till next time.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Ho ho holy shit I took some time with this chapter but hell, I can promise you I will finish this story. In other news friend Coolevilshark caught my little asdf movie reference. (So heeee did not fail.) Also, someone by the name of Deadarchimode called my two protagonists suicidal psychopaths and compared them to sleepers. (Like in a terrorist cell, I guess?) I have to say ... he fucking nailed it.**

 **I've run out with jokes for it so I won't even say I don't own Pokemon ... fuck!**

* * *

Andrew woke up by something tickling his chest. He opened his eyes and slowly regained feeling in the rest of his body. By then he noticed two things, his boxer shorts were gone and a weight on his shoulder. Confused by the situation, he turned his head.

"Talia?"

A white and green blur greeted him with a smile.

"Mornin' studmuffin."

"Morning ... what's going on?"

Talia was resting her cheek on his shoulder, looking up at him and stroked his chest up and down. Letting her hand wander over his whole torso once in a while. He ignored the shivers her treatment send down his spine.

"D-Did we...?"

"No, we didn't. Yet. Wanna change that?."

Her voice was husky, an audible breath on his skin. Andrew felt his nervousness levels rise, as well as something else.

"Okay Talia, what are you on?"

She shifted her body and positioned herself ontop of him. She leaned foward and kissed from his collarbone up his neck until her lips were beside his ear.

"Right now I'm on you." She nibbed on Andrews earlobe. "The real question, though. Why aren't you IN me?"

"You're starting to scare mmmmph!"

He was silenced by a pair of lips kissing him.

"And you are still talking."

Before he could answer, Talia silenced him again, this time including her tounge. She could tell he was still uneasy with this so she backed away.

"Tell you what, just answer me three questions. After that I won't bother you again with it, unless you want me to. Deal?"

He tried to hide his arousal in his voice. "...Deal."

"So, question number one. Do you think I'm attractive?"

"Yes."

"Question number two." She pressed his face right between her breasts, onto her gem. "Do you like what I'm doing?"

"Mmhhhmm." He voiced, followed by a moan.

"I take that as a yes. Question number three." Talia grabbed his ponytail, keeping him in place on the pillow and lifted herself up.

"Do you have a-"

He didn't let her finish the sentence. "My backpack, front compartment."

She got off of him and walked up to his pack, swaying her hips. Talia kneeled down, reached in and stood back up with an eight inch dildo with leather straps in her hand.

"Tali ... what is that?"

All the passion from before left her eyes, she spat on the tip and looked at him with a stern expression.

* * *

"GO AWAY FROM ME AND GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THAT!"

Andrew shot up from the bed, screaming with two fists pulled up ready to fight. Alarmed by his sceams Talia did the same, only with two Psychic attacks in her palms at the ready.

"What's going on?! Who's fucking who?"

"Nobody!"

He took a few deep breaths. Talia stared at him confused.

"Listen, just go back to sleep for an hour or two. I'll take a quick shower and fetch us something to eat, okay?"

Talia calmed down quick but still was clueless about the meaning of this.

"The fuck's gotten into you?"

"Just a nightmare, that's it. You can go back to bed for now.

She streched herself and yawned. "Forget it, I'm up anyway, might as well do some research."

Andrew knew full well what she meant and handed her the TV remote.

"Knock yourself out. But no porn, you hear?

Talia snorted at that.

"Yesterday you were eyeing me like you can't wait to fuck me and now you worry about my innocence? Cute."

"It's not your innocence I'm worrying about, it's my wallet."

 _'And my sanity.'_

"Don't forget -"

"Yeah yeah, everything costs money and my ass is yours until I earn some, I just wish you would make some use out of it."

"If everyting works out fine, I will tonight."

Andrew grabbed some clothes, including one of his new sweaters, some towles and went to the bathroom.

 _'What did she mean by that?'_

Talia was zapping through the channels, looking for new 'research material'.

 _'What did he mean by that?'_

* * *

Andrew entered their room with bags full of pancakes and canned coffee, he handed her one of each and cracked one of the cans open for himself.

"Bon appetit, mademoiselle"

The 'Mademoiselle' made a face.

"I don't speak spanish and what did I tell you about this liquid migraine?"

"I just want to make sure my stash is safe from you. Here, take this.

He handed her a bottle of orange juice and put the coffee to the rest of the cans in his backpack.

"Thanks, so what's the plan for today?"

"Now that we found a nice place to train for our upcomming challenge and I know what you're capable of. We will strengthen your attacks, your reflexes and then we will fuck some shit up. Are you up to it?"

Talia shrugged. "More or less, as long you won't throw any more stones at my face I'm fine with it. But still, you think that'll be enough? Are you 100% positive my opponent is a Nosepass and nothing else?"

Andrew washed down his bite of pancakes down with some coffee and grinned at her.

"Yeah, I am and if that plan goes to shit we'll improvise, don't worry about it."

* * *

"Hey Talia, think fast!"

She countered the stone with a well aimed Magical Leaf. Only two leafes sliced through it but with a precision as if she was cutting a pizza, she aimed it so the two leaves whistled by his head. After that stunt, Talia immediately used Double Team on him. Each Gardevoir presenting him two middle fingers.

"Are you entertained, motherfucker?"

Andrew shook off his fear and amazement from this near death experience.

"Ehh, just a bit. More importantly, though. I think you're ready."

It was only a week of training. But in that week, a lot of things were sacrificed. Her nerves, sweat and stones. She grew a large amount of hatred for the last one and Andrew figured that it was for the better, considering her opponent. She had a tired smile on her face.

"I'm glad you think so, too. Get an appointment as soon as possible."

"On it."

Andrew punched a number into his phone out and chatted with the other person on the line for a few minutes before hanging up.

"10 am tomorrow, I say we take it easy until then and let the future Talia and Andrew worry with the upcoming stress.

She wiped the sweat from her forehead.

"Agreed, we should go in with a clear mind. I mean I should, I have no clue what you'll be doing during all of this."

"Having your back. Come on, we'll doing fine! Belive in the heart of the cards for a second.

Both of them agreed to let Talia do most of the work while he would warn her if something is happening outside her vision.

"...Heart of the what?"

"Forget it, just belive in yourself and that my plan helped you getting better."

Talia rubbed her tierd eyes in an attempt to wrap her head around the last few things he said and failed.

"Can we go home? Please?"

* * *

After an unusually early start to the day, they stood before the gyms doors. Andrew noticed Talia was nervous so he tried to ease the tension with a joke.

"Here's some motivation for you, if you make it on your first try I'll french you."

"Define motivation, I don't know about you but that sounded like a threat."

Andrew snorted at her remark. _'At least she still got her sense of humour, it will work out fine.'_

"Let's face the music." He said, holding open a door for her.

He walked up to the man behind the counter, he assumed him to be an assistent.

"Hello there, I got an appointment at 10 am under the name Ivaan."

The assistent looked up from his screen.

"Oh yes, Mr. Ivaan. I remember your voice, may I have you trainer ID for registration?"

Andrew did that and got his card back shortly after.

"Thank you, I noticed that this is your first gym challenge so let me run you through the process. In case you win todays challenge it will be noted on your ID, so even if you lose the badge itself, you'll have proof that you won one at this gym. Also the prize money will be transfered directly to your bank account. Any questions?"

"Not really, just when can we start?"

"We are ready when you are, please go through this door and take your position at the field. Roxanne is already awaiting you, good luck."

The man pointed at the double doors, Andrew said his thanks and led Talia through them.

"This is it, Talia. The start of our career or our downfall, no pressure by the way."

"Well gee, thanks." She nervously rubbed her arms. "I mean it's just a Nosepass, right?"

"According to the internet, yeah. I'm 90% sure of it and come on, if you can't trust the internet what can you trust?"

When they entered their spot, marked by a white square on the ground a woman in her 30's, wearing a grey dress greeted them from the other side of the field.

"Welcome challenger! Are you ready for your first test to proof ... erm ... listen, can I ask you a small favor? We both know this is a official gym challenge and all but can we please cut the bullcrap and not make this an epic battle of proportions? I mean we normally play it up for the kids but we're both adults here. Can we just act like them and treat this like any other battle?"

"I didn't even know that's a thing, so sure. I'm Andrew by the way."

"Oh thank you! You have no idea how tireing this schtick can get over time, it's nice to have a normal battle for a change."

Andrew realized at that moment this will be his and Talias first real battle.

 _'Probably should've tried it out with a regular trainer before challenging a gym leader. Hm ... fuck it.'_

"So Andrew, are you ready?

He turned to Talia.

"Are we?"

"Hell no! But I don't have much of a choice now, do I?"

"Nope."

He smiled at his partner and gave her a push towards the battlefield.

"Good luck."

Roxanne looked puzzled at their exchange for a few seconds but remembered the reason why they're in her gym. She took a pokeball in her hand and threw it into her side of the field.

"Go Onix, make me proud!"

"W-wait what?!" Both Talia and her trainer stammered in disbelief as the giant rock snake materialized in front of them. She shot a death glare over her shoulder and he was glad he never planned on children. Otherwise he was sure Talia just put a curse on the next five generations in his family line.

"I fucking hate you..."

* * *

 **Well ain't that a bitch ... Till next time.**


	9. Chapter 9

**New year, new chapter, same old madness.**

* * *

"I fucking hate you..."

"Join the club..."

Unlike Talia and Andrew, their opponents had a plan and knew exactly what they were getting into so Roxanne made the first move.

"Onix, use Rollout."

The Onix twisted into a ball like a python and rolled around in place at a vomit inducing pace, then took off at her direction. Talia watched in panic and thought about what to do next.

 _'Oh crap, what would Indy do, right now?'_

"Tali! Teleport!"

Andrew commanded out of nowhere and she complied by reflex. Both of them had a lot of emotions within they wanted to react on, but only a few of them really could be afforded. Right now fear sounded like a suitable option. The Onix rolled in a circle and came to a stop the same place he started his attack.

"Woah, that was fucking close!"

"Oh my, and here I thought you little elves were elegant, silver-tounged creatures by nature." A deep, booming voice said.

Talia turned to the Onix. "And at one point I thought everything that smells like strawberry, also tastes like it so go figure."

"Excuse me, I can't say I understand."

"Nevermind. Let's get to it!"

Andrew, only getting one half of the coversation between Talia and the Onix, looked on as confused as the rock giant.

 _'I feel like there is something I'm forgetting here, oh right!'_

"Talia, use Psychic!"

She aimed both her light surrounded hands towards him, soon after his body lifted from the ground.

"Well isn't that interresting, what is this?"

"Let me guess, first time fighting a Psychic Type?"

"Not at all but the first time fighting one that can lift me up ... please let me down."

A grin formed on her face. "With gusto."

Talia slammed him down the gym floor with full force, sending dust and gravel around the area of impact.

He straightened himself up with a groan. "I guess I underestimated you, not bad for a first timer."

"And I guess size doesn't matter after all, you lern something new everyday." She answered, still grinning.

Onix huffed and mirrored her smug expression. "Don't get too cocky, I'm only getting warmed up."

She let out a low giggle. "Don't worry, I'll get you warm."

"Stop flirting with the enemy and concentrate! We're here to fuck 'em up, not fuck them period. Magical Leaf!" Andrew shouted, not understanding the context behind their banter.

Roxanne on the other side never lost her cool, payed attention to the situation and reacted immediately.

"Hurry! Use Dig!"

The Onix did as he was told and disappeared underground, the whole floor was shaking while he moved beneath them. Talia had no clue what to do next so she turned to her 'supervisor'.

"Don't ask me, this is new for me, too."

Roxanne noticed her opponents helplessness and took advantage of it.

"NOW!"

No two seconds later Onix emerged right underneath Talia, catapulting her five meters into the air. She came down right on her left shoulder with a crash and couldn't even make her agony audible. Her eyes and mouth were agape in a silent scream.

' _Yep. That's broken...'_ Andrew thought to himself in a cold manner in order to not let his panic get to him.

"Are you okay?"

Talia managed to get up on wobbling knees, focusing on the Onix. "Do I look fucking okay to you?!"

"Don't worry Tali, we got this. Just don't give up!"

"Thanks a bunch! Do you have any other good advice, there?"

"Only one ... don't die."

His voice sounded way more serious, now. Looking back she noticed his expression, he was genuine concerned for her safety, despite her pain she managed to smile at him.

"Don't worry, I won-"

"Look out!"

Her instincts jumped back into action and she teleported away from where Onix tail would've crushed her. She landed a few meters away, panting and holding her shoulder with a pained look on her face.

"It seems like I didn't underestimated you, earlier. You're just a newbie and from where I see it, you already lost. So just keep yourself from any other injuries and give up."

"Like hell I'm gonna walk away now without any payback. Come at me, you glorified dildo!"

Without any warning or command from Roxanne, he dashed towards the injured Gardevoir and trapped her in a Wrap attack.

" And what about now? Any second thoughts, scarface?"

"..."

* * *

Talia held onto Andrews shoulder with one hand, stabilizing herself as she limped beside him. Meanwhile, Andrew stroked his thumb over their first badge, ever.

"Please don't get me wrong, Talia. I'm really glad you won this thing along the prize money for us, but wasn't that a bit overkill?"

"Overkill?" She snorted. "If you ask me, I was nice to him."

"How is putting a knot into the poor bastard nice!? He's lucky if he could ever walk again ... or crawl ... or slither ... you know what I mean!"

"I could've tied two knots into him, you know?"

Andrew shrugged. "Fair enough I guess. But what brought this on, anyway? One minute I fear for your life and the next I hope you won't let him suffer too much, what happened?"

"Let's just say he'll think twice about pissing off the wrong woman at the wrong time. By the way I'm not sure you noticed, but my shoulder is busted. You got something for me?"

"Oh yeah, sorry about that." He fished a potion out of his backpack. "Hold still."

Talia winced at the first contact of the sprayed liquid on her shoulder, but relaxed soon after.

"Better?"

She closed her eyes and smiled. "Mmmhm, thanks Andrew."

"You're welcome, unfortunately that's only a temporary solution. We'll best get back to the center and let Rebecca have a look over this."

"Rebecca?"

"The head nurse of the center we're staying at. She somehow figured out we would stay a bit longer so we dropped the last name bullshit."

"Hmm."

* * *

They arrived at the centers front doors. Talia let go of Andrews shoulder and straightened her back.

 _'Must. Not. Show. Weakness.'_

"Huh? Is something wrong, Talia? Did the potion wear off? Here, let me-"

"NO! I mean no need for that, I'm fine, let's get this over with, alright?"

He had not a clue what's gotten into her, but knew better to question her when she had one of her 'episodes'. "If you say so."

When they reached the counter, Rebecca already waved at them.

"Hello Andrew, any luck at the gym?"

"Hey there Rebecca, what did you say? Luck? Not at all, skill on the other hand..." Andrew smirked and pretended to wipe some dust off his shoulder.

"Congratulations! I guess that means you guys will leave us soon, then."

"I wouldn't say that. We'll stay at least a day or two to resupply and lick our wounds. Speaking of which, Talia here got a pretty nasty hit to the shoulder. Could you take a look?"

"Of course, it's my job after all." She went around the desk and bent down a little lower than necessary to look over her injury, presenting her cleavage to Andrew in the process.

 _'Slut!'_

"Yes. That's definitely broken, just a minute."

She walked back to her desk, picked up a speaker and pushed a button on the phone at her desk.

"Hey Steph? Becky here, I got a Garedevoir with a broken shoulder and minor scrapes, here. Could you prepare a room and send someone down here? ... Yes, Roxanne ... thank you."

Rebecca put the speaker down and turned to Andrew.

"Someone's on their way, they should be here soon."

He nodded and 30 seconds later another nurse came into the lobby with a Chansey in tow.

The Chansey stepped foward. "Good evening miss, would you follow us, please."

Talia looked up and sighed deeply. "This is gonna be fun..."

Andrew chuckled and ruffled her hair. "Don't worry about it, you won't feel a thing with the painkillers they'll give you," He turned to the second nurse. "Right?"

"That's right, we'll take good care of her."

"You see?"

"Ugh fine. No use in delay the unavoidable, off to the torture chamber."

While she followed the personal through the double doors, Andrew turned to Rebecca.

"How long do you think her treatment will take?"

"Not very long, with tests and all ... around three to four hours. Say Andrew," She placed her elbows on the desk and leaned foward. "My shift ends in half an hour, if you want we can do something while you wait. Don't worry about your Gardevoir, my colleagues can bring her to your room after her injuries are taken care of."

That was the last thing Talia heard before the doors closed and she was led to a treatment room where she sat down on a metal table. Growling, she looked around the room while a nurse prepared medications and bandages for her shoulder. There were cabinets with various bottles and medical tools, a lot of them pointy and/or sharp.

 _'I could grab one of these when she's not looking, teleport the cunt to a quiet place when she's alone and slit her throat. Wait what?! Where is this coming from? I wouldn't kill a person, especially not over this. So what if Andrew is finally getting some. It's not like I want to put her down like the bitch she is and ride his face in her blood...'_

Talia rubbed her temples with one hand.

 _'Jeeesus ... I need to get laid.'_

In the meantime Andrew scratched the back of his neck, weighing his options.

 _'Okay this hot nurse wants to spent time with you and I guess not to share recipes. You could get laid right now, but on the other hand you won't stay very long. I don't know, getting your cherry popped by one night stand? ... Naw, you've waited 23 years so a little longer won't hurt.'_

"Thanks for the offer, but I have to take care of a few things, getting supplies for the trip to the next stop and equipment, too. Sorry but I have to decline."

Andrew gave her a wave and hurried out of the center. Rebecca supported her chin on a open palm and shook her head.

 _'Why are the good looking and sucessful ones always oblivious, taken or gay? Oh well, next time.'_

* * *

Three and a half hours later, Andrew entered his and Talias room with a plastic bag and a flat, square box in his hands. Talia was already done with her treatment and layed on the bed with her good arm spread over it, her other rested on her stomache in bandages and in a sling. When she heard him enter the Gardevoir sat up.

"You're back."

Andrew placed the box on the coffee table followed by two bottles from the bag. One was a oversized, clear plastic bottle with a red and white label. The other was rather square glass bottle with a black and white one.

"I guess I am, how are you holding up?"

"Fine, I could imagine better entertainment for the night but I don't feel terrible. What's this stuff by the way?"

"Our dinner slash entertainment for the night. Oh wait, I forgot something."

He fished a small plastic box from the bag and presented it to Talia.

"Predator?"

"Uncut, no ad breaks and with sepcial features, you did great today so I thought that would make you happy. Besides, we won a god damn badge on our first try today and this is a reason to celebrate, so let's just do that!"

He put the DVD into the player and skipped through the preroll ads until it was at the menu. If her shoulder wasn't screwed, Talia would spring up and hug the crap out of him, instead she concentrated on the stuff on the table.

"Yo Andy, what's that?"

Andrew opened the lid of the cardboard box and a delicious smell hit her nostrils. It was just like the kebab she had before, just different.

"That would be pizza, not your new fast food god if you ask me, but close. And before you ask, here we have bourbon and coke, good stuff when it's mixed."

Talia broke the glass bottles cap and smelled at the liquid before coughing a bit.

"Damn, are you sure you should drink that stuff? I mean I heard of alcohol, wine and beer and all that but that smells like something you would remove paint with."

He took two metal cups from his pack and mixed the two drinks in one of them.

"Should? No. Can? Yes. And do I want to? Fuck yes, that's why I mix it with cola."

"...Can I try?"

"I'm glad you asked, I hate to drink alone."

He fixed her the second cup, put it in her hand and clinked his own with hers.

"Cheers."

* * *

 **Pizza, Predator and Palcohol, the three great P's for a good night. Till next time.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Back for more, eh? I have to apologize and bring you some news. But more of that later. For now, enjoy.**

* * *

Talia took a sip and swirled the liquid in her mouth, the taste was sweet at first but got sharp soon after. She swallowed hard and washed it down with a big gulp of water standing nearby.

"*cough* It still tastes like paint thinner, I'll stick with water and juice for now."

Andrew sipped from his own drink, realizing the problem.

"Oh ... sorry about that, I forgot that you're a first timer."

He took her cup, drank roughly a quarter from it and refilled it with the sugery brown soda.

"There, that should be better."

Talia was hesitant at first but tried the drink again, it was sweet like before, only with a strange aftertaste that wasn't unpleasant this time around. She took a slice of pizza and bit down on it.

 _'Now it's official, humans have won at life.'_

In the meantime, Andrew held his phone down beside his leg and out of her view. He tried to look something up, glancing down to it when she wasn't looking.

 _'Thank you oh great Spaghetti Monster, apparently alcohol isn't poisonous to a few pokemon and Gardevoir are one of them. Note to self, look that shit up BEFORE you drug up a creature you know next to nothing about!'_

Feeling like he dodged a bullet, the young man emptied his cup in one go and slammed it on the table, panting a bit. From his side he noticed Talia, staring at him.

"Don't just hit the sauce, dude. Rather take some from the edible tire, it's tasty." She advised him in a dull voice before grabbing another piece. Andrew picked a slice for himself and devoured it in two bites and guided his drink to his lips to flush it down.

"You know if this trainer business won't work out for you, may I suggest a career in gay porn?"

He choked on his Jackie-Cola and got into a coughing fit, as soon he could breathe again he shot a look towards her.

"Excuse me!?"

"I'm just saying, with the amount of pizza that just disappeared in your mouth and all."

"Okay first, I'm hungry. Second, I think I told you the porn channel is off limits on this TV, that channel is the only thing not covered by the league in pokemon centers. Third, I think you're just jealous." Andrew half defended, half accused.

"Relax man. First, I was the one doing all the work so I should be the only one with the right to pull that trick off, don't ask why I pointed that out I just like to argue. Second, I never watched any porn, at least not in here and third." Talia took a new slice of pizza and shoved it into her mouth up to the crust, let it stay there for a few seconds and pulled it out again, smirking at him.

His jaw dropped. "I don't know if I should be amazed, disgusted or aroused."

"All of the above plus jealous."

Andrew gave his new drinking partner a sideways glance.

"... Fuck you."

* * *

The two of them watched the rest of the movie in silence, by the end of it they were stuffed and became tipsy and therefore more talkative, especially Talia.

"... and after she woke up with the bloody, half eaten piece of meat, she bawled her eyes out for a week and when I confessed it was a prank I set up, she didn't talk to me for at least six months."

Andrew had to suppress his laughter. "And you said she is a hardcore vegetarian? But even then her reaction seems a bit exaggerated "

"Yes, believe it or not, my former clan was behaving way more human than you might think, probably 'cause of the backround of our elder at the time. So a few of us picked up on that lifestyle. And I guess it didn't help that I carved the name of her pet Pichu into the meat and hid the fucker in a cave nearby for the week before I came clean."

He couldn't keep his morbid laughter back anymore. "Wow! That's just pure evil."

 _'And like that you just became way more attractive to me.'_

While Andrew stared at her in a drunken, loving gaze, she took another big gulp from her drink.

"Well to be fair. Two weeks ahead of this we talked about guys, I confessed to her that I liked a Gallade from another clan south east from ours. A few days later I saw them holding hands and the next time we were alone, she bragged about scoring with him. I don't know anymore what pissed me off more, the fact that she stole my target in front of my face or that she is a fucking hypocrite. Preaching all day how meat is murder and that she'll never put that 'disgusting' stuff in her mouth, yet sucking on his sausage a few times a week."

 _'Marry me, you magnificent bitch.'_

He was somehow smitten by Talias rant, as much he hated her attitude when he was the victim of it. The more he liked her when someone was in her crosshairs who actually deserved it. Not to mention her foul mouth which was the sign of a honest person to him, a trait that he adored.

"Forget what I said, that bitch had it coming."

Talia smiled sincerely and sighed deeply. "Thank you for taking sides with me. Nobody ever did that on this particular case, everybody back then thought I had gone too far."

"Oh please, they just didn't see the good attention in your actions. Clearly that woman was in denial about her craving for meat, you just helped her out the best you could."

She giggled at his joke and attempt to take her mind off the aftermath of her prank. The drunk Gardevoir went over to Andrew and sat herself onto his lap, slinging her good arm around his neck.

A bit unsettled by her sudden action but too happy at the same time, he didn't fight back.

"Hey Andy."

"Hm?"

"Remember what you said you'll do when I make it on my first try at the gym?"

"I do, but you do know that was meant to be a joke to begin with, rigmmmph..."

As soon as she noticed an opening between his lips in her blurry vision, Talia sealed them with her own and shoved her tounge through his. Andrew at first got horrible flashbacks to his nightmare, but soon after melted into her kiss. Talia wanted to let him know that she'll be the only women that he'd need, she moved her mouth to the crook of his neck. Only to burry her face in it, pass out and started snoring on his shoulder.

Andrew was glad and frustrated of the outcome at the same time. Glad that their make out session stopped before he would take advantage of a women, clearly more drunk than he was and by that, destroying the closest thing he had to a friendship in years. And frustrated, because she would most likely forget all the things they shared that night, making it the closest he had to a friendship in years in the first place.

"Oh well, at least none of us will wake up with a piece of unwanted meat in their hands."

He picked Talia up bridal style and carried her over to their bed, he placed her on her side of it, tucked her in and gave her a peck on the cheek wishing her a good night. Being far from sober himself, Andrew stumbled to his side and got rid of his clothes except for his boxers. He got under the sheets and slowly drifted off to dreamland himself.

 _'She's one hell of a lady.'_

* * *

I have to apoligize, because this chapter took the longest time to update and is the shortest (beside the crappy prologue) yet at the same time. After my first real chapter I aimed for roughly 2000 words per chapter and managed to do that until this sorry 1.2k words excuse for a "finale". I just said finale didn't I.

Don't worry this is far from over. I still got a good amount of funny dialogues and situations between those two nutcases in store, But I also have a few new characters in mind who won't be throw away tropes like Rebecca. And at least one of them will even join the team, the focus will stay on Talidrew (Yeah, I went there) but a third personality in the mix won't hurt. I just have to plan all of this out and do it right.

And also, this little project blew up on me, in a good way. Most of the "sketches" you've read so far on here I originally wanted to pitch to other writers because I thought I'm not talented enough and my far from perfect english skills would get in the way to create a story with any sense behind it. That is still mostly true, but somewhere down the line I said to myself "You know what? Fuck it!" Hence the title of the story. At first I thought I'd be done after 10 chapters at most but here we are, 10 chapters into it and like I said, this is far from over. I just need some time.

I'd like to thank all of you whoever put this in their favorite or follow list and reviewed until now and of course the silent majority. Special thanks to:

 **Coolevilshark** for his tip again, his continued reviews and support. Check out **"Trials of Distortion"** by him.

 **murloc rampage** Also for his continued reviews and support. He also writes stuff like **"My Unwanted Life"** and **"Fruits, Spices and Gardevoir"**. (Dude beat me to the punch for the 'First drunk Gardevoir' award on here and I still have to word out my appreciation for his work in a review but whatever, it's good stuff.)

* * *

 **Alright, a poor bastard who will have to live with Talia and Andrew and more is on the list. Till next time.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Surprise motherfuckers.**

 **Do you own Pokemon? Me neither.**

* * *

 _'Soo...this is a thing now.'_

Andrew woke up in a position he didn't expect at all. With his back on the bed, Talias good arm around his torso and her legs wrapped around his thigh. Her head on his chest didn't make things any better, well maybe it did but she had to wake up soon.

 _'"Keep your hands to yourself, huh?" What to do? What to do...?'_

He wondered if it was okay to wake Talia up like this without her throwing a fit or worse, killing him on the spot. Would she remember what she did last night and if so, what would it mean to her now? Did she really delevoping feelings for him or was she just a drunk, horny girl at the time, wanting some attention?

 _'Well, better be safe than sorry.'_ He thought to himself.

"Oh, my God. They found us. I don't know how, but they found us. Run for it, Talia!"

She woke up in an instant, she didn't quite registered where she was, but she understood Andrew was there.

"Who? Who!?"

He grabbed Talias arm.

"Who do you think? The Shiftrys!"

"Gah!" Her eyes widened and she pushed the first thing she could find away from her, which was Andrew at the moment. He fell off the bed, along with the blankets landing on top of him. Talia crawled back as far as the beds headboard would allow it.

"Don't eat me, take the human!"

 _'So much for "delevoping feelings", then.'_ Andrew thought and frowned.

He untangled himself from the blankets, stood up and looked at Talia suspiciously. He would've found her reaction funny or even cute, if it wasn't so god damn insulting.

"Take the human? Seriously?"

She looked around the room, scared and confused at the same time, once she realized Andrew pranked her those feelings turned to anger.

"Don't you dare guilt trip me, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"And you would've fed me to those motherfuckers without a blink of an eye! I guess we're even.

"Ugh, whatever." Talia rubbed her face with her not broken arm for a few seconds. "What happened last night, anyway?"

"What? You don't remember anything?"

"Would I ask, otherwise?"

Andrew thought for a second to spill the beans right there and then.

"Well, we watched Predator, had some pizza, I introduced you to whiskey-cola and when you loosened up a bit, you told me about the one time you mentally scarred a member of your clan for life who stole your GILF as in 'Gallade I'd Like to Fuck'."

Talia groaned.

"Anything else?" She cocked her head to one side.

 _'Ohh boy'_

"...Last but not least you teleported to the roof of the pokemon center and demanded something called Updog from the top of your lungs."

She was equally upset and confused. "I did WHAT?! Wait, what's up dog?"

Andrew couldn't hide his smirk anymore and put on his best gangster expression.

"Nothin' much homie, what's up with you?"

With that, he bursted into laughter, Talias cheeks grew beet red from embarrassment and anger alike. She had to admit though, it was a little funny but revenge was on her mind, so she mirrored his way of speaking.

"Yo. I'm about to fuck you up."

Andrew saw she was in for the joke and was ready for some mild violence between friends, but he remembered her screwed up shoulder.

"Tell you what. As soon as your shoulder is healed up, you can fuck me ... up all you want." He replied with a wide grin, not even hiding the innuendo. "But for now, stay in bed and let me handle everything. Ask me anything and I'll bring it to you."

He sat back down on the bed beside her and began to stroke her hair.

Talias look went from fake threatening to sencere longing "Anything?"

"Yes, Talia."

"Then get me some god damn ICE CREAM! Like you promised me years ago!"

Andrew knew that 'Don't fuck with me.' tone very well. He jumped off the bed, dressed himself and ran over to the door.

"Hey!" Talias voice stopped him with his hand already on the handle.

He turned around, asking what the matter was.

"You forgot something!" She threw him his wallet he left on the nightstand. He caught it, said his thanks and left the room in a hurry.

Talia hugged a pillow with her right hand, with the other she touched her neither regions for sore spots and found out she was perfectly unharmed.

 _'Yup, still a virgin. *sigh* What does a Gardevoir has to do to finally get laid. I shoved my tounge into his mouth for gods sake, so why didn't he shoved something else in ME? And to make matters worse I just blew my second chance with him, that fucking, infuriating, caring, gentle...'_

She closed her eyes and continued to touch herself, whispering Andrews name over and over again. Talia stopped when a thought crossed her mind and tears welled up.

 _'Ugh, who am I kidding? You're his Pokemon and friend at best. Don't forget you've been a bitch to him most of the time, so be thankful for even that! To top it off he didn't remember my advance or didn't wanted to. In other words:'_

"Welcome to the friendzone!" She screamed into the pillow, giving it a punch and began to sob.

* * *

When Andrew came back into the room, he spotted Talia on their bed, looking to the ground and sulking. When he came closer to the bed and sat down next to her, he saw her eyes puffed and redder than usual and had an idea why. He figured she really was just horny and wanted someone to fill her need for bodily contact and she just remembered that part of the night before, fearing it would damage their friendship.

"Talia, I think I know why you're like that and let me tell you. Don't worry about it, I understand."

She looked up at him, still upset but a hint of hope in her voice. "Do you mean it?"

"Yeah, believe it or not I had my fair share of difficult times and frustration when it comes to finding a lover, myself. You just had to let it all out and more or less jumped the first thing with a penis, right? So how about this, we forget this ever happened and I'll help you find a new GILF along our way, sounds good?"

Talia trembled, she didn't know what to do with this guy. Kiss him again, this time sober. Beat him up or break down in tears in front of him? Luckily Andrew decided for her, he kneeled down in front of the bed and hold out a fist to her.

"Are we cool?"

She let her head sink again but smiled weakly. Talia had no choice but to roll with it, she bumped his fist with her own and met his eyes.

"Yes, we are and ... thanks."

Andrew was glad they had that ordeal out of the way and tried to cheer her up. He took out two small buckets of ice cream and handed them to her.

"Nice, by the way this is strawberry and this is chocolate, take your pick."

By the time Talia chose the strawberry one, Andrew came back with two plastic sporks he packed for his travels and handed her one. She took a spoonful of her share and almost forgot her worries from before.

Andrew sat beside her on the bed, enjoying his own treat.

"So? How is it?"

She let the ice cream melt in her mouth before answering.

"Amazing! It's nice to eat something actually strawberry flavoured when the packaging says so."

"Huh? What was that"

"N-nothing, its's just good is all I wanted to say" Talia blurted out, not wanting him to know the misunderstanding she had in the shower the other day.

"Hm ... okay." Andrew had no idea what was up with her. Granted the past two days were pretty eventful to say the least but she said she was was fine, wasn't she?

They were halfway through their treats when he held out his bucket to Talia and pointed his spoon to hers.

"I'll give you mine if you give me yours."

Part of Talia's thoughts were still on the whole 'I wanna fuck my trainer' thing and her eyes went wide.

"What do you mean?!"

Andrew had a funny feeling about her raise in volume but thought it'd be best to leave her be for now and mentioned nothing about it. Instead HE punched HER in the good shoulder for a change.

"The ice cream dum dum, wanna switch?

She understood what he meant and did what he suggested. Also this gesture pulled her out of her thoughts and current misery. In the matter of a second, Talia became her own self again.

"Sure, why not? Oh and if you ever do this again, I'll drag you through a world of pain, asshole."

Andrew smiled and looked her straight in the eye.

"And I'm looking foward to you never acting on your empty threats, bitch.

Talia smiled back. "Careful buddy, so what's the plan for today?"

He took both of their 'berakfasts', placed them on the table and grabbed her hand.

"Since your shoulder still needs time to heal, how about we take a walk through the city? You know, take in the sights and do whatever. By the way I'm not your buddy, my friend."

Her smile grew wider and stood up.

"Sounds cool and I'm not your friend, guy."

Both made their way to the door.

"I'm not your guy, girl."

"I'm not your girl..."

And like that they began the day, not noticing they were holding hands the entire time their way out.

* * *

 **I originally wanted to introduce our third member to the team with my comeback in a super long chapter but decided against it. I thought a little drama and fluff is a good start before the action.**

 **So ... missed me? I don't really know what to say. I know I said I'd take my time before continuing but I never intended it to be that much. In the meantime of my thought process I mentioned earlier, life knocked me on my ass and I had to stand up again. Good news though is I can crank out more chapters every half a year, now. A few even checked up on me and asked if I was alright. I really appreciate it and I'm sorry for not answering, I just didn't want to give out fake promises on when I do come back and I hate the word "soon". If you were wondering, I read them all and now is the time.**

 **On a lighter note I had my little "Senpai noticed me" moment in the time I was gone. A fellow called N-Badger97 reviewed this thing positively and I highly recommend his story "The Girl with the Green Bandana" I'm a fan of this for quite some time and so should you. Also a little hint to Andrews second pokemon, it will be an adorable fire breathing puppy named after N-Badger's not so adorable fire breathing puppy.  
**

 **Again, sorry for the long wait and ... till next time.**


	12. Chapter 12

**My first try at Piglatin, ever!**

 **I odney toney nwoney Okeponey. (I tried my best.)**

* * *

The sky was clear, the temperature was relatively nice for the season and best of all, Talia didn't seemed to think of new ways to get on Andrew's nerves for a change. So he thought it would be a good moment to start a calm, civilized conversation with her.

"Hey Talia, you sure you're okay?"

She strolled next to Andrew in their aimless walk through the city and shortly hummed to herself before she answered his question.

"Yeah, I'm fine now. Why?"

"Because you seemed kinda gloomy all morning, even after we cleared this little misunderstanding up. Something still on your mind?"

Talia smiled to herself and shook her head.

"Not really, It just all sunk in. A bit over a week ago I was a wild pokemon with the occasional trip to a human city. Now I'm in one with a trainer beside me, we won our first badge yesterday and soon we'll go to the next city. This is my life now and I just found the time to digest all of this. I guess the right phrase for that is culture shock?"

The words 'culture shock' made Andrew think of his own situiation for a moment.

"Hm ... now that you mention it, I think we're in the same boat.

"Uhuh. I can totally see why you would feel like a fish out of water. " Her words dripping with sarcasm.

He held up a hand to silence her. "You don't understand, sure I lived all my life in a city. ONE city to be percise and never as a trainer. Plus I never had that much time or desire to travel the region. Needless to say I'm out of my comfort zone as much as you are."

Talia put a hand on her chin. "Alright, I think I underst-"

"And dealing with your annoying ass doesn't make things any better."

"Jesus Andrew! I said I understand!"

"And don't you forget it." He lightly poked her forehead with each word.

Both of them casually strolled through the streets for a while.

"You don't have any second thoughts, ha-" They started simultaneously when a male voice called out to Andrew from behind.

"Excuse me good sir! May I take a few minutes of your day?"

Talia and Andrew stopped and slowly turned around to see a a rather old gentleman in a brown suit and a same colored hat with a cane in his hand. Andrew grew up to always be a gentleman himself and respect your elders, although he lerned to make some exceptions down the line.

"Good afternoon, what can I help you with?" He replied.

The eldery man stopped infront of the two of them and cleared his throat.

"Good afternoon to you, too. I saw you two walk by and couldn't ignore the beauty of the lovely lass you are traveling with. May I make a proposition to you? How about we go to the nearest pub and open negotiations there? Drinks on me of course."

Andrew was confused. "Excuse me, I don't really understand."

"Let me make myself clear laddy, I want to purchase your Gardevoir."

Talia was shocked and her face showed it. This old fart wanted to buy her off of Andrew just like that? More importantly, what would his answer might be?

 _'For the love of god Andrew, don't say...'_

"Well of course!" He grinned like a child in a candy store. "No need for drinks though since my company works really fast."

Andrew stepped beside his "customer" and laid an arm around his shoulders. "Okay here's the deal, 100 bucks per hour or 500 for the whole night. I don't have to say these prices only apply to regular stuff, am I. If you have some ... special desires. The prices increase by 50 dollars per hour regardless of the deal."

"Andrew? What the fuck do you think yo-"

"Talia!" He unterrupted her. "How many times do I have to tell you to call me 'Sugar Daddy' when we are on the job?"

After his outburst. He made eyecontact with her, smiled and winked to tell her he was up to something. Although her weariness about the situation she decided to trust him. Talia walked up to the old man with a smile herself and put a hand on his chest.

"Me love you loooong time." She quoted a movie she saw some time ag in her own language, with a seductive tone. The old man of course was taken aback by the take of turns.

"I think I'll take my money somewhere else, I'm sorry for taking up your time!" He ran so fast down the road that Andrew wondered why he'd need a cane in the first place.

"Hold on!" Andrew put a hand on one of his three empty pokeballs. "If you prefer more rough company, may I interest you in a Nidoqueen?! ... Sucker."

He gave a sight glance to her. "Just my way to deal with annoying pokemon traders and collectors."

"Color me impressed" Talia turned to Andrew and held a three clawed fist to him. "I thought for a second I had to kill the both of you. That was some quick thinking."

He bumped it with a fist of his own. "Likewise, you seemed genuinely shocked at first, though."

"Excuse me for not picking up on the improvised plan to fuck with the old guy from minute one. I just hope you know if you ever think of selling or pimping me out for real..." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Uhm, I think I ran out of threats for the week."

"I'd never do that to you, Talia." He whispered.

"I'm sorry." She held her hand to her ear. "What was that?"

"Nothing!" Andrew laughed awkwardly. "So. What are we gonna do now?"

Talia turned to him once again. "I don't know ... pub?"

* * *

Nowadays society was rather open to pokemon, yet they had to find a bar serving humans with their pokemon out in the open somewehere in the outskirts of Rustboro. Pokemon going into a restaurant wasn't a big deal anymore, pokemon going into a bar on the other hand?

However, they had a booth for their own and secretly shared two pitchers of beer from a single glass. For the former Petalburg bartender it was still a mystery how a bevarage like beer could be served in such a unholy form but as long Talia had her fun he told himself to hell with it.

Talia was halfway laying on Andrew and hugged his arm on their way home to the pokemon center. This time, even she could tell she was way more drunk than he was.

"Did I ever tell you how mush I hate you and you're ugly as s-shell?"

He was more amused then insulted by her. "Naaaw, Talia. My mom always said I'm handsome."

She rubbed her head against his cheek. "The good woman must've been blind, then. You men are all the shame, anyway! Shweettalk a girl into ... uh ... whatever you guys like to do with us just to abort the mission at the last second."

"Huh?" He wondered what she meant. Talia was clearly slurring by now.

"Fuck all of you! Fuck that treehugging bitch, fuck her boytoy! Fuck the walking cum dumpster at the shenter and while we're at it, fuck all the wannabe cops who chased me out of so many good moviesh. And most of all. Fuck you!"

 _'Note to self, don't give the emotional troubled psycho alcohol ever again!'_

"Come on Talia, stay with me, now. What are you talking about?"

It was useless, though. She already was sliding down aginst his shoulder, Andrew had no other choice but to catch her again and carry her to their room over his shoulder ... again.

* * *

When the elevator's doors opened they were greeted once more by the same pair of a woman and her Lucario from the week before.

"Uhm ... she over exaggerated herself too much in training this time. May we pass?"

The other team just nodded once again and let them through.

He was halfway through the corridor to their room."And remember kids ... ugh fuck it. Life's too short, enjoy it."

Next thing Andrew closed the door to their room and tugged Talia into her side of the bed. He stood infront of it and thought about the whole day for a minute before he stripped himself and went to sleep.

 _'The fuck's gotten into her all of the sudden?'_

* * *

 **The fuck's NOT gotten into her, am I right guys? Guys? ... Okay, I'm going back to my corner.**

A big shoutout to my man **Watamote-Life**. If you like this story, you'll love his story **The Nameless Gardevoir**. You ever wanted to read about a foul mouthed Gardevoir with her best friend/pet human taking over the Sinnoh region while making at least one of those Galactic grunts their bitch? This is for you. Just look into my favorites Author/Story lists for this. Also he indirectly inspired me to a great portion of this chapter.

And lastly, exposition time. I decided to finally get more detailed on the currency (Pokedollars) in this story, these Pokedollars, Dollars, Bucks or whatever nickname I choose can be compared to USD or Euro. So let's just say Talidrew won around 5000$ from their first gym battle, a normal potion is around 5$ from there on up. Food, her clothes and so on is the same price like just around the corner, you get the idea.

 **Till next time.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Here we go again. While everone else was busy playing Pokemon GO, I did this. Nothing much else to say here.**

 **Your mom ownes Pokemon.**

* * *

Andrew came out of their rooms bathroom, dressed in in blue jeans and a black tanktop with a towel around his neck. Talia was still lying in bed on her side, silently snoring and mostly covered by a blanket, except her rear.

 _'Girl, you have no idea how bad I wanna bite into that apple. But that would be considered inappropriate, now wouldn't it?'_

"Plan B!"

He took both ends of the damp towel and spun it around itself. With a grin he took aim and hit her right 'cheek' in a whipping motion. Talia jumped up to a sitting position and looked around, trying to figure out where she was. As soon as she saw a grinning Andrew, she ignored the stinging sensation in her butt and covered her face in both hands with a sigh .

"Okay Andrew, what did I do this time?"

"Nothing too major Jean Martin, you just told everyone you know to go fuck themselves, including me. Much appreciated by the way."

"You're welcome and I stand by it!" Talia barked.

"Well, someone is in a good mood this fine morning. I have some good news, though. "

Talia looked up. "You were diagnosed with a desease that prevents you from talking?"

His grin widened, taking some enjoyment from her trashtalk.

"Something like that. We're heading out today, meaning you can take out your issues on some innocent trees and wild Pokemon who want to screw with us and who knows. Maybe there will be a masochist that would want to join our team after you dragged him through the 5th circle of hell judging by how you treated that Onix."

"So this is our 'goodbye to the big city' huh?"

Andrew put his belongings in his backpack while answering her.

"At least for now. We'll check out, make one more stop for food for the road and off we go."

"Whatever." The cranky Gardevoir stretched for a moment and took a change of clothes out of Andrew's pack. She passed him on her way to the bathroom.

"I'll take a shower, you get breakfast."

"Now Talia, what's the magic word?"

"Go fuck yourself."

"Those were three words."

"Asshole!"

"Hey that was at least one word, you're getting there Talia, I believe in you."

With an annoyed grunt she slammed the door behind her. Andrew pulled his green sweatshirt over his head, freed his long hair from it and chuckled dryly.

"This is gonna bite me in the ass someday, but god damn it's too funny to mess with her."

* * *

When Talia stepped out of the bathroom after a particular long shower to calm her mood to no avail, Andrew was already sitting on the couch with their breakfast waiting for her. She had her used shorts/sock combo in her hand and threw them on his lap.

"Wash these."

"I will as soon we come across a laundromat, your highness."

They took their pancakes and poured the provided syrup over them.

"Ugh, fine. And what are you talking about 'highness'? I haven't smoked weed for months."

Andrew was about to take a sip from his coffee when what she told him sunk in and put it back down on the table.

"Okay hold the phone for a minute. You're a stoner? Where in the world does a wild Gardevoir even get this stuff?"

Talia shrugged "My former clan grows it. Why? Where do you people get yours?"

"Well back in the day at the bar when the bouncers searched trouble makers for weapons they'd find some here and there and then we ... but that's beside the point. Why would a pokemon clan grow weed?"

She smiled and ruffled his hair. "To get fucked up, silly. But seriously, I think I mentioned there was another clan in the area we met, right?"

Andrew nodded.

"Okay. So, there are more clans, don't ask me how many I never cared to count. But all of them grow something, some grow certain fruits, some grow berries or vegetables. Ours happen to grow weed. The clans would trade their harvest for one of the others or you know ... sexual favors."

Andrew couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"So you're telling me you guys not only have some kind of economy but prostitution, too? Damn, you guys are more advanced than I thought."

"We even keep other pokemon as pets, what do think you are to me? OH! Have I ever told you the Pichu story?"

"To answer your second question first, yes you have. And uh ... business partner, manager and bestest friend ever?"

Talia giggled mid bite and swallowed before she answered and ruffled his hair again.

"You keep telling yourself that, but if you're a good boy today momma will give you a treat."

"Wow, such a good joke. I guess I have to laugh about it tomorrow." He said full of sarcasm. "Anyway, how do you guys react to that?"

"The same as humans I guess. Some chill and look at the stars, some giggle like there is no tomorrow and eat twice their bodyweight, some develop an unusual interest in their own hands and sometimes, two of us would sneak into the bushes to get to know each other a little better."

They finished their food in silence after her explanation, Andrew was still thinking about how the small society of the Ralts family works. After that, he stuffed all their belongings in his backpack and double checked if anything was missing.

A few minutes later they arrived at the centers counter and the nurse on duty was no other than Rebecca who greeted them with a huge smile.

"Hello there cutie ... I mean Andrew, I guess you two are leaving us today judging by all your luggage on your back."

Polite as he was, he smiled back and handed her the keycard to their room.

"You guessed right, we will only stop briefly for travel food and then head for the next town."

"Shame, it was so nice having you here. But before you go, Roxanne came by and dropped a package for you yesterday."

She gave him the rather small package with a folded piece of paper attached to it and winked.

Meanwhile in Talia's head.

'Kill! Destroy! Annihilate! Exterminate!'

"Well thanks Rebecca and thank you very much for your service while we were here. See you around."

"Bye Andrew, we hope to see you again."

Andrew headed for the exit and waved to the nurse, Talia still stood there without a move.

"Hey Talia! You comming?"

"Uhm, I think your trainer is calling for you. Are you okay?"

Rebecca streched her hand out to Talia to check if there were any problems with her. She was greeted by a snarl from the Gardevoir before she turned around and followed her partner.

Rebecca withdrew her hand and shook her head.

 _'Poor Andrew.'_

* * *

On their way through their last trip through and out of Rustboro, Andrew examined the package he recieved. First, he ripped the note from it and read it's content.

'Rebecca (No gag reflex)' It read and underneath was a phone number.

His eyes widened, he quickly crumbled the paper and shoved it in his pocket.

"What does it say?" Asked a curious Talia from behind him.

"... Just my name and our room number, you know just in case they had to bring it directly to us."

"And the package itself?"

"Let's see ..." He ripped it open, reached in and pulled out a CD case along with a small letter which he read out loud to her.

"Dear Andrew, although our battle was rather chaotic towards the end, I'm gonna tell you that this was the most fun I had in a long time in my gym. I can't tell you the last time I had an adrenaline rush like that. I'd like to thank you for that. Another reasson why I send you this letter and package is because in the aftermath of our battle, I forgot to give you another prize you earned with your victory. This is TM39 which contains the attack Rock Tomb. Use it wisely and I hope we'll have another match some time. Kind regards, Roxanne."

While he was reading the letter to her, Talia stood beside Andrew and eyed the CD case suspiciously.

"How the hell could you teach a move to pokemon with a disc? Is it some kind of training video middleaged housewives are buying like they would eat them out?"

"First, thank you for that mental image and second, I have no clue. I'll take a look."

A quick search on his phone later, Andrew whistled in a low tone.

"Well, you can't learn anything from this one but we might as well get some lube while we're still here, this is gonna be painful."

"Huh? What are you blabbering about?"

"Funny you ask, as it turns out these things are suppositories."

"Nu uh, nope, no, nein, njet, there is no chance in hell I will ever put one those things up my ass! I'd rather go back into that pokeball."

"What's the matter, Tali? Everything is a dildo if you're brave enough. And relax, I was only joking. Here's the real method. Every pokemon center got machines they can hook you up with, they'll put some electrodes on you, put the disc in the machine and that's it, new move on the spot, nothing painful at all."

Talia sighed in relief. "Thank fucking god. Still, I can't learn that move. What are you gonna do with it?"

Andrew shrugged. "I'll keep it for now, maybe we'll find a pokemon that can put it to use and if not we can always sell it. These things are worth something. By the way, over there is our stop."

She looked up at the store's sign. "Patton's Hunting, Camping and Military Surplus? I thought you wanted to stock up on food and not prepare for World War 3."

"I know and that's what we're here for. You know even if my first trip through the woods was a little short I learned a few things."

Talia crossed her arms over her chest. "And those 'things' would be Mr. Survival Specialist?"

"First: You are a bitch.  
Second: It's good to be prepared.  
Third: Food cans are bulky and fucking heavy.  
Fourth: Sneakers suck for that kind of terrain, almost tripped four times in two days.  
Fifth: You are a bitch."

"You never seen me in full bitch mode and I'm warning you, you wouldn't like me when I'm in full bitch mode."

"As if I liked you to begin with."

She rolled her eyes. "Gettin' real tired of your shit, let's just get this over with. I wanna get out of here and hurt something."

Inside the store full of tools and gadgets that either saves your life or take it away from you, both of them took a look around. First thing they noticed was the clerk, a tall and brawny guy in his 50's sleeping arms crossed on a chair behind the glass display that doubled as a counter. With a green army cap pulled down over his eyes, the only thing visible of his face was a grey, long full beard. Under his grey tanktop Talia noticed a faded tattoo that read 'Semper Fi' on his collar bone. The rest of his body was hidden by the counter.

Said counter contained various kinds of knifes, other bladed tools and non lethal weapons like pepper spays or batons. Behind the sleeping man on the wall was a similar display with a selection of shotguns and bolt-action rifles secured by reinforced glass.

"Yo, Andrew." Talia nudged Andrew's side.

"Hm? What is it?"

"Why don't you get one of these babies?" She pointed at a double-barreled shotgun on the gun rack.

"Why the hell would I need a gun for?"

"Why not?" She poked his cheek a few times. "At least then you wouldn't need me to safe your ass everytime we are in trouble. And think about it, just saw off a part of the barrels and you'd be as cool as Bruce Campbell."

Andrew shooed her hand from his face.

"Why not you ask? I can think of a lot of reassons. I'd need a license to even purchase one of those things and another to be allowed to carry it on my person, both licenses I don't have. Another is I don't wanna kill pokemon, I just want to beat them unconcious and maybe capture them to put them into fights with other pokemon, I'm not a monster! And considering it is you who I'm traveling with, it's more likely I will end up like Kurt Cobain before I can use it for our protection. Last but not least, nobody and I mean NOBODY will ever be as cool as Bruce Campbell."

Agreeing with him on the last part, Talia followed him through the sections. One was dedicated to camping equipment while another one was full of clothes, almost all of them dark in color or camouflaged. The next time she looked at Andrew, he was trying on a pair of brown mid-high hiking boots.

"Are you meaning to tell me you're comming into a place with so much cool stuff and the first thing you do is looking for shoes? Is this some kind of fetish of yours?"

"Oh hush you, it's either that or I might break my ankle somewhere in the woods and then you have to carry me to the next city. Is that what you want? Didn't think so."

After Andrew found a fitting pair of boots, he headed back to the counter when Talia grabbed his shoulder and something from beside her with the other hand.

"Wait a second, how about this little accessory? I think it really fits your personality."

He looked down at what Talia held infront of her chest and back to her grinning mug with a blank expression.

"A shock collar ... you know maybe you're right, I'm gonna think about buying that boomstick."

Back at the sleeping mountain, Andrew placed the boots on the counter and knocked three times on it.

"Excuse me, sir?"

As the last word left his mouth the old man sprung up and looked around franticly with a hand on his hip.

"Charlie at 2 o'clock! Covering fire!"

A bit stardled Andrew glanced at his watch.

"Uhm ... my name is Andrew and it's half past 10."

The apparent war veteran let his head fall, shook his head and muttered under his breath.

"Fucking civilians ... Charlie was the codename for the enemy and X o'clock the direction he came from."

"Oh, I understand. And your name is?"

He grimanced and scratched the back of his head.

"Charlie ... there were a few mixups here and there ... poor Johnny. Anyway, sorry for that litte outburst earlier. What can I do for you, son?"

"I'd like to buy these boots along with a backup for my knife, nothing too big. I don't wanna freak out everyone around me everytime I open a letter or something." He pointed at the rather large fixed blade on his hip.

"Gotcha, anything else?" Charlie put a felt covered wooden board with different folding knifes in between the two.

"Yeah, we also need a few MRE's, ten should be enough for now, do you have any in stock?"

"Sure thing, I'll get some from the back. Anything special in mind?"

"Not really, as long there is some variety I'm not picky."

While the clerk got the goods Andrew ordered, he handled some of the blades on the table. The third one he inspected felt right to him. He flicked it open with one hand using the thumb hole on the blade itself and tested the edge on his forearm, shaving the hair on it right off.

"This one speaks to me."

"I can hear it, too. It says 'Please Andrew, let me take a closer look at that jugular of yours.'" Talia chimed in from behind.

"Right." He deadpanned and let the blade disappear in the black handle scales again, glanced at the other items the store sold and a particular pepper spray labled 'Bitch-be-Gone' caught his gaze.

 _'Hm ... tempting.'_

Charlie came back with ten small, brown packages. "Have you made a decision on your new toothpick?"

"I have, this one please."

"The Para-Military model, hm? Solid choice. So with that, the boots and the rations we're at 400$, cash or card?"

"Card please." Andrew handed him the card. After the purchase done he shoved the knife in his front pocket with the pocketclip sticking out of it and Charlie handed him a camouflaged plastic bag with the rest of his new stuff.

"There you go, son. Have a nice day in the field, kill a few commies for me."

He didn't really know how to respond to that while he grabbed Talia's hand and began slowly walking out of the store.

"Uhm ... sure? "

* * *

The dreamteam straight out of a nightmare seated themselves on a bench near the city limits. Andrew was changing into his new set of footwear and Talia held two of the ten boxes that are supposed to keep them from starvation in her hands, inspecting them with a suspicious eye.

"And you expect me to eat this stuff, MRE I think you called them?"

"Yep, it's short for 'Meal Ready to Eat' and I read these aren't that bad. The best thing about those is you won't even need a fire to prepare them you put water in one bag, put a second bag in the first one and presto! That and they are only a third the weight of a soup can for example for same the nutrition."

He tied his sneakers to his backpack by the shoelaces.

"You really did your homework on this kinda thing, didn't you?"

"At least one of us has to if we wanna survive out there. Some trips from city to city could take over a week."

"Hm, macarony and cheese, chilli con carne." She took a third one. "French toast, okay that doesn't sound half bad, if they actually taste like that what the're supposed to I won't complain."

"See?" Andrew took them back from her and stored them in his pack. He stood up and slipped back on facing her.

"I think we're all set, does something else comes to your mind or are you ready to go?"

Talia thought for a second. "Naw, I think I'm good. As fun our stay here was ... for the most part, I think I can use a change of scenery."

"Coolio, let's get going then. Next stop, Verdanturf Town east from here."

* * *

About two hours into their walk, Talia got slightly bored and decided to do something.

"Loser says what." She half whispered, half mumbled.

Andrew didn't react and walked on.

"Loser says what." She repeated loader this time.

He stopped and turned around to her. "Hey Talia, did you hear that?"

"What? ... FUCK!"

Andrew smirked and turned around once more.

"Get on my level."

Another half an hour later he stopped and Talia bumped into him.

"Did you hear that?"

"Very funny, Andrew."

He looked around. "No for real this time, listen."

Talia closed her eyes and concentrated, indeed there was something. It sounded like a pained yelp or something.

"That could be a pokemon and I think it's in trouble, it sounded like it came from over that small hill."

"Shall we investigate? Maybe it's worth checking."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, why not? Not there's anything else interesting here."

On the hill they spotted an angry looking boy in his late teens standing in an open field of grass. he was towering over whimpering small Houndour laying on his side, covered in bruises.

"I payed good money for your furry ass and what do I get!? Three losses in a row you fucking mutt!

The boy scremed and kicked small puppy in the side, sending it flying with another yelp in pain. By the looks of it not the first time today, not that it would make any difference.

Andrew frowned at the scene before him and turned his head towards Talia.

"Yo Tali." She met his gaze with a frown of her own.

"Didn't you tell me earlier this day you want to hurt something?"

Andrew's eyes stayed the same, but his lips turned to a develish, toothy smile.

"Yes, I did, Andy." Talia once again mirrored the look on his face and cracked her knuckles.

"Yes, I did."

* * *

 **Did anybody ordered a can of whoop-ass?**

 **Ohhh boy, 3,5k words chapter. My longest yet, I hope that made up for a few of the shorter ones.**

 **Till next time.**


	14. Chapter 14

**THE FOLLOWING IS A**  
 **FAN-BASED**  
 **PARODY**

 **POKEMON RED, BLUE, YELLOW, SILVER, GOLD, CRYSTAL, RUBY, SAPPHIRE, EMERALD, DIAMOND, PEARL, PLATINUM, BLACK, WHITE, X, Y, SUN and MOON are all owned by Game Freak, Nintendo and Satoshi Tajiri.**

 **Please support the official release.**

(There. Now Team Four Star can sue me, too. Happy now?)

* * *

Life went great for 17 year old Diego Jacques Alejandro Sebastian Tramp the 3rd. He was born as a son of a sucessful business man and an unknown woman. The only thing he knew about his mother was that she used to work for his father and that one of his first names were her idea. Not that he cared though, since his dad gave him everything he wanted from the day he could walk, including a 'small loan' of one million pokedollars to start his own business. Jokes on his old man, though. Because young Diego transferred the money to an unknown bank account imedeately and moved out to become the very best and make Hoenn great again. And to show those peasants who's gonna be the very best you need the best pokemon around. Unfortunately this mutt he spent fifty grand, fifty fucking grand on thought otherwise.

 _'Get a Fire/Dark type pokemon they said, buy a bunch of TMs for it they said, it'll be so much fun they said. They'll know the wrath I'll lay upon them once I become champion I say!'_

After the third loss in a row to the local gym leader, he had enough. He'd teach this 50.000$ on four legs a lesson.

 _'At least the day couldn't get any worse.'_

Boy, was he mistaken, halfway through his punishment he heard a male voice calling out to him.

"Hey! Fuckface!"

He turned around and was about to tell this lowlife to scram when a green, three fingered fist connected with his jaw and send him on his ass. He rubbed his cheek and turned to his attacker.

"I swear to god, you have no idea who you're fu- ... oh god."

His sore jaw dropped as he spotted a human sized pokemon with a grin on it's face, Diego wanted to beg for his life when he saw something on her legs. Clothes? And was that her trainer behind her?

"Care to enlighten me what the fuck is going on, here?" Andrew asked in a calm tone and a frown, masking his true lust for blood.

Diego also put on a facade, one of a used car dealer. "Hello there. I'm Diego Jacques Alejandro Sebastian Tramp the 3rd." He greeted with a smile. "Uhm, is that your pokemon?"

"Well," Andrew started. "She is WITH me somehow but I can't really say she's mine. Again. Why are you here with that Houndour and not at a pokemon center?"

"You see, me and my partner here got jumped by some wild pokemon and it got hurt by them, protecting me."

"Is that so? Because from where I stood" He kneeled down next to the hurt Houndor. "I'd say it looked like you kicked an already hurt pokemon for no good reasson."

"That's not true!" Diego tried to argue for a second but saw it was futile the second he said it.

"Okay, you got me." He stood up. "I tried some unusual disciplinary measures with my pokemon that are not exactly legal. But come on, who doesn't?" He went to Andrew and whispered.

"How about you tell your, whatever she is to leave me alone. After that, you forget you ever saw us and the two of you will be on your way with 500$ in your pocket, deal?"

Andrew stroked his beard and whispered back. "So you suggest for 1000 bucks we close our eyes?"

"No! I said 500$!"

"And 500 times two are 1000. I mean her eyes should be closed too, right?" He pointed to his partner with his thumb.

"Oh how stupid of me, of course you're right. So please." He took ten bills out of his wallet and handed them to Andrew. "Leave us alone?"

Andrew happily shoved the money into his own wallet and walked past Talia to the injured Houndour.

"Thank you kindly. Tali?"

She knew what he was about to say and got excited.

"Yeeees?"

"Have fun."

Talia streched her arms and shoulders, emitting a few popping sounds.

"Trust me, I will. But before that..."

She put her flat hand on Diego's forehead, who was too shocked to move, closed her eyes for a second and disappeared in a blinding flash. He thought he was dreaming and scanned the grassy field before him until...

"Dieeeego. Dieeeego. This is your grandma speaking." He heard a slightly muffled, old sounding voice echoing through his ears.

"You've been a really naughty boy Diego and for that granny is gonna spank your ass, pussy-bitch."

"G-granny? Is it really you?"

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around. He saw the Gardevoir with a hand covering her mouth. She let it drop and giggled to herself.

"No, shit for brains. I'm still gonna fuck you up, though."

Diego backed away while Talia stepped foward. "Oh god please no! And why can I understand you?!"

"Just a little trick I picked up not long ago, you can now understand everyone of my kind. Pretty neat, huh?"

"W-wha?"

She looked at her fingers as if she was checking them for dirt under her nails.

"Not that it matters or anything. Your toothbrush will be out of work when I'm done with you, anyway."

He held up both of his hands. "B-but we had a deal! That's not fair!"

Talia smirked as she lunged out...

"I'm sorry, I don't give a fuck."

...and delivered a liver-hook.

* * *

In the meantime Talia had a training session at the punching bag, Andrew caried the Houndour up the hill, kneeled down and took care of the small dog pokemon. He pulled a folded blanket out of his bag and put the poor thing on it. He had his eyes closed shut and whimpered every once in a while. Andrew gently ran a finger over certain parts of his body to check for broken bones. To his relief Andrew found none, just one or two badly bruised ribs and minor injuries. After treating them with a potoin and a few supporting bandages he carefully scratched the young Houndour's chin. I return the puppy opened one eye and licked the back of Andrew's hand.

 _'Naaaw, cute little fucker.'_

"Don't worry." Andrew whispered comforting. "The bad man won't touch you ever again ... speaking of which."

He stood up and directed his attention to Talia, who currently used her psychic powers to hold a bloodied Diego upside down by his feet, bitch-slapping him with his own hands. She seemed like she hadn't this much fun in years.

"Stop hitting yourself."

 ***SLAP***

"Stop hitting yourself."

 ***SLAP***

"Stop hitting yourself."

 _'I just love pokemon abusers, no matter what you do to them you never feel bad.'_ Andrew thought to himself with some amusement.

"Talia?!"

She stopped her current newfound hobby and yelled back.

"Yeah?! What is it?!"

"I took care of this fuckbuckets ex-pokemon, he seems okay considering the circumstances but still needs to get to a center. Call it a day for now, okay?!"

"But Andyyyy! This is so much fun, seriously you should try it. Five more minutes? Pleaaase?"

'Again with the fucking eyes.'

"Compromise. You get five more hits and I get one, too. Then we'll think what to do about this shitshow."

"Yay!"

Andrew turned back to the Houndour and scratched behind his ear.

"Hang in there for a little longer, we'll take care of this."

"So," He walked closer to the two with his hands in his pockets. "You guys had fun?"

"You know it, hun." Talia told him, her lips curled up to a smile.

"Glad to hear it." He looked down to Diego. "You too, babyface?"

"Fuck you!"

"Also glad to hear that."

Andrew swung his fist into Diego's stomache who grunted in pain.

"You were right, this is pretty fun. Nice to be on this side of that situation for once."

Talia shrugged. "Told ya'."

"Anyway, let me search him real quick, the least we could get is a few extra dollars."

He patted Diego and all the pockets on his white suit down while he screamed from the top of his lungs.

"You really think you can get away with that?!"

"Would you be surprised if I said yes?"

"You assaulted and pretty much stole from me! You're gonna go to the slammer and your bitch gets the syringe!"

"Is that so?" Andrew muttered unimpressed. "Oh heeey, what do we have here."

He pulled a dull object out of his pant pocket. It was made out of metal, had four holes and four plates with letters reading the word 'FUCK' on one side.

"Fancy knuckle dusters you got there. Okay, here's the current situation." He bent down to look Diego straight in the face. "You will probably tell the cops we assaulted you during your training, beat you up and stole your money. We will say that you abused your pokemon, attacked us with that, we acted in self-defence and the money was ours to begin with."

Andrew waggled the brass knuckles in front of his face.

"But here is where it gets interesting, your fingerprints are all over that thing. Mine are on the medical equipment I used to treat that pokemon. And last but not least his bloodstains are on your expensive shoes and pants. Now I never said I'm a saint, nor is she for that matter. But guess the difference between you and me."

"..." He said nothing.

Andrew stood up and grinned at him. "My ass will be intact by the end of the month and you will be prison promqueen. Pokemon abusers are quite popular over there and with a pretty face like yours ... ohhh boy."

Diego finally found some of his nerves again and coughed before he answered.

"You have no idea, my dad will buy me out of there before dinner and after I'm out, you're toast."

"Wooooow," Andrew said mock impressed. "That's pretty I don't give a fuck. You look pretty tired, though. Please put him to sleep, Talia."

"With pleasure." She let Diego go and stomped on his head a single time, sucessfully knocking him out.

Andrew pinched the bridge of his nose. "I meant with Hypnosis."

She put a finger on her chin. "Oh yeah. I know that move ... oops."

"Eh whatever, we have more important stuff to deal with. Come on, let's look after our patient.

* * *

Back on top of the hill, Talia kneeled beside the young pokemon and looked after it while Andrew prepared some quick food for the two. He simply gave Talia an energy bar and mixed some smashed crackers with blueberry-jam in a bowl, making it easier to swollow for the weakened fluffball and placed it right in front of him who slowly, but happily ate it.

Talia grabbed Andrew's arm and dragged him a few steps away from him.

"What now? Do we call the authorities?" She asked with some concern.

"We kinda have to. If we don't, his version of the story will be more believable to them."

"But what if he's right? I'm pretty sure you don't want to get behind bars and I'm sure as hell I don't wan't to see my great grand parents again for a long time if you catch my drift."

"Relax for a second, okay? The evidence is on our side and judging by how his pokemon reacted to me, we even have a witness in our favor who granted, can't talk but bark and snarl at his "owner", if you catch MY drift?"

"That's another thing." She looked to the side to the blanket which was currently unoccupied. "What are we doing about hi- ... uhm ... where is he?"

Andrew looked around until a weird smell hit his nostrils. "And why does it smell like someone is starting a BBQ all of the sudden?"

When both of them tried to find the source of the smell and found it, they drew in a sharp breath in horror. The good news was they found the Houndour. The bad news, it currently roasted a piece of cinder formally known as Diego Jacques Alejandro Sebastian Tramp the 3rd with an Ember attack.

"WE SHOULD BOUNCE!"

They yelled at each other at the same time with wide eyes. Andrew packed up in a hurry and both ran like the devil himself was after them.

* * *

As soon their breath ran out they stopped, Talia sat down in the grass beside the road, panting.

"Okay ... on a scale from one to ten ... how fucked are we?"

Andrew threw his bag beside her and paced back and forth.

"Sasha Grey."

"Oh ... that's bad."

"Damn right it is! Not only did we helped murder someone, in the end of the day we'll get the full blow for it right in the face! Our evidence, burned. The guy I planned to call the cops on, dead. The witness we had in our favor, a killer!"

"Andrew!"

 ***SLAP***

"Calm down, man! We're away from the crime scene, nobody saw us and like you said, every piece of evidence is burned. Including the ones that say we were there. As for the dead guy, screw him! He deserved it, anaway. So get a grip will ya?"

Andrew blinked a couple of times and took in a deep breath.

"Thank you Talia, I'm cool now. I guess we best forget that ever happened and walk on like nothing happ-"

 ***SLAP***

"Ow! I told you I'm calm!"

"I know, but I'm sure you'll either do or say something in the future to deserve this. Come, sit down for a second and take a breather. And please check how far the next town is, after this I really want at least a nice bed to chill."

He did as she requested and shook his head.

"Tough luck, your beauty sleep will be in a tent tonight, even if we walk non stop we'll need at least 3 days. And considering it's getting dark soon we should find a nice place to set up camp."

After 15 minutes Andrew stood up again, shouldered their luggage and offered Talia a hand to stand up.

"Oh how nice of you Andy."

He shrugged. "What can I say? My mom raised a gentleman."

Talia giggled. "Really now? When will I meet your brother, then?"

He rolled his eyes at her remark. "Oh hardy har har, safe your jokes for after the camp is set."

* * *

After what will be a routine for them the next few days, working together setting up camp and a fire, eating dinner from the MREs. Talia complaining to Andrew about how he didn't bought a second pillow for her and all of that only wanting to kill the other one three times they went to sleep.

The next morning, Andrew felt something warm ... and hairy.

"Seriously Talia the first thing I'm gonna do when we are back to civilazation is buying you a lady razor. It's like you walk on two grizzly bears." He murmed still half asleep.

When he fully came to his senses, the first thing he saw Talia snoring beside him but completely out of reach. The second thing he saw was their partner in crime from yesterday, also asleep and curled up to his side.

"Holy fucking shit!"

At his outburst the two other occupants of the tent sprung up, one groaning and frustrated, the other happily panting.

"Ugh what is it now Andrew, I'm not falling for that trick aga- holy fucking shit! What is he doing here?!"

"I have no idea, maybe he followed us. Uhm ... a little help, please?" Andrew begged with a good amount of panic in his voice.

Talia covered her eyes with one hand. "Screw this, I'm out." She deadpanned and teleported away.

"Talia? ... Talia!" He yelled.

 _'You whore!'_

While Andrew send out a prayer to let his 'partner' burn in hell for all eternity. He felt the little Houndour bump it's head into his chest to get his attention.

"Uhm hi ... I guess ... please don't burn me alive."

"Hello big brother. Why should I burn you? You and big sister were nice to me and helped me get rid of ... I think you called him Fuckface?"

Since Talia and her extended family were the only pokemon he could understand, nothing but barks reached his ear.

"Can I help you with something?"

The puppy pawed and nudged at the pokeballs at Andrew's belt.

"Do you wanna come with us?"

He became excited, licked his cheek a couple of times, and pressed his head against Andrew once again.

 _'So ... CUTE!'_

* * *

Talia teleported herself out of the danger zone but still close enough to burry Andrew's remains.

 _'Good night, sweet prick' She thought in rememberance of her now to be well cooked companion._

After ten minutes, she wondered why she hadn't heard any screams or smelled burned flesh so she returned to their campsite.

"Hello? Andrew?" She asked out loud. "Should I get a shovel or is a plastic bag enough for you by now?"

At this moment the zipper on their tent opened and an unharmed Andrew with an happy Houndour in his arms stepped outside.

"Hey there, Judas. Guess who's joining our team.

Talia took two more steps towards them and dropped to her knees. She lifted her head up towards the sky and sceamed.

"NOOOOOOOOOO-"

* * *

 **Just in case you hadn't noticed, yet. Talia and Andrew aren't very nice people.**

 **Anyway, I have a question for you, how do they sound like to you? And with "they" I mean our main cast. I don't know about you but anytime I read or in this case, write a fanfiction I have certain voices in my head for the characters. Here are mine.**

 **Andrew = Nathan Drake (Uncharted)**

 **Talia = Revy (Black Lagoon)**

 **Soon to be named Houndour = Gortys (Tales from the Borderlands)**

 **Till next time.**


End file.
